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(god I hope people can't read this......I set it to private, but yeah..)

anyways... I've been thinking.. am I missing out on not experimenting with any drugs at all...? I mean, I've always been somewhat curious, but I hated what they did to your brain; but a one time thing would fry you... so I've just been curious about "what if"... I mean, Chloe tried X and she was fine........so if I did go to a rave, I may try something too, I dunno...I just really..... dunno.

I've also been thinking, "am I ******** up by getting into a relationship this young..?" I'm passing up opportunities to screw random girls, go to parties... things like that.. just become someone completely different than I am.... but I dunno. I don't know if that's the kind of life I really want...

but in 30 years, I don't want to look back on this time, and think, "What if..."

I doubt I'll actually go through with anything, or anything like that... just pondering, sitting around.. I doubt I'd ever try X.. I doubt I'd ever try pot, or anything... because when I'm in my "normal" state of mind, I feel absolutely disgusted by the thought... but in my "curious, what if" mind, I don't know... I'd just.. I dunno...

is the life of a single guy who parties all the time the kind of life I want..? I doubt it... but .. yeah.. just sitting here thinking, "what if, what if..." I don't want to have any regrets........x__x;;;

update
Well, I decided, you know what, I'm not going to be that guy.. I'm happy with my life as it is, and I'm happy with chloe.. so I'm unblocking this entry... people who want, can see what I was going through, but after last night, I realized that I really am happy with my life, and I won't have any regrets in the future.