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I was reading an article on Kotaku, this one, and I realized how far I've come, from gaming.

Honestly, I used to game so heavy for the same reasons. I wanted an escape, and everyone else could take a seat and wait patiently until I came back into reality.

I feel horrible too -- a lot of girls think that's just how it is when you date a gamer, that's how its' supposed to be -- but it's not. I'm actually more of a gamer now than I was before, but I know my limits, I know when to take breaks..I'm actively managing my hobby, instead of letting it swallow me.

Hell, the only real problem I have now, is a Chloe addiction.. but I realize I need to stop that, too. I'm so desperate to latch on to her, and hope that by doing so, I can escape from this miserable life I'm living, and move on to something else, that I'm sort of ignoring my own life.

Right now, I'm somewhat afraid to leave the computer, incase she's going to sign online, and I miss it.. which is kind of pathetic. I suppose it's not so bad to miss her, to want to speak to her -- since she doesn't like being online all the time.. (and I can't really blame her..) so I get needy and clingy.. lol.

I'm going to stop putting all my hopes and fears on her, and take them into my own hands.. which I thought I was doing, but it's so easy to just say, "if I love this person life will be ok!" which.. you know, it isn't. So. I'm going to get a job as soon as I can.. (still waiting for the meeting with the Texas Workforce) and then assuming I do get a job, and a license, and car, and all of that blahblah.. then I'm going to start working on moving to missouri. Not because moving near Chloe will suddenly make life great, but because I love her, and want to be with her..even though I'm a horrible person and I think she hates me..

So yeah.. Really not going to get as bad into gaming as he did though.. I don't think I'll ever be that much of a gamer again, even if I do slip into a depression.. because with the current depression I've been going through, I still have time for others, and i still keep my social skills (Unlike the past), so I'm just.. growing up. I'm becoming more immune to addiction, I suppose.. hm. I don't know.. I don't know.