Worthless
I have never faced such angst for myself. Everything around me is falling apart, and I am stuck in a pit of depression.
"You cannot love others until you love yourself..." they say.
If that is the case, I'll forever be alone.
I dreamt last night that I was drowning in a black sea and W.C.C. was watching me. I pleaded for his hand to help me onto the edge of land that he knelt on. I begged for him to not leave me and to save me, but he just smiled and continued to watch me die. He was amused at my suffering, and he calmly told me "help yourself." That was the last moment I had seen, and I started to sink down into the watery abyss.
I woke up around 5:00 this morning, and I was not able to get a decent sleep afterward. I feel as if I have no purpose, no meaning. My happiness has abondoned me and I just want to hurt myself for loving the one person who will hurt me the most.
I love him. I hate myself for loving him.
As my status says, it's always the same:
"Like to Love,
Love to Ire,
Ire to Separation,
Separation to Dispair..."
Love to Ire,
Ire to Separation,
Separation to Dispair..."
~*Whispers of a Dream*~
