Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

Huge post here...

I don't care what people think anymore. I'm tired of trying to be .. male. I'm tired of pretending to be this super, anti-everything internet a*****e.. I'm really.. really not. I'm just.. me. I guess I've been trying to discover my true self.. and I'm finally sick of masquerading as something I'm not.. I wanted people to keep the "version" of me they thought was the real me, without disillusioning their world.. but that's not possible anymore.

The only one who knows the real me, is Chloe. That's gonna change though.

K, well, time to slap out my opinions on EVERYTHING.

Starting with furries.

I don't hate the furries themselves. The people, I mean. I just think the act of having furry sex is disgusting, and people's "fersonas" are disgusting. The people themselves, i'm fine with.. as long as they just chill. I talk to a ton of furries regularly actually..

I'm actually pretty chill with every type of person there is. I love meeting new people, I'm just very shy... I'm also scared that people will think I'm lame and make fun of me if they get to know the REAL me right off the bat, so when I first meet people i come off as very cold and chill, like a loner.. I don't really do it on purpose, I just .. freak.

Truth of the matter is too, chloe's the only girl I love, or will ever love, and me talking about any other girls in the past was either a) my wandering mind, about curiousity and such or b) me trying to come off as the typical male type person, like such a horndog, just to impress my male friends. (all guys do this, but.. since it's only hurting chloe, I've stopped. That's what this entry is, honestly -- my official resignation from the male species as a member, and my application as myself; just me, not some typical male stereotype.

funny thing is, people on gaia know the real me better than most of my e-friends do, because on Gaia, I don't care what people think about me. XD

Out of my friends, Sephy is one of the few people who I respect, too.

I used to respect frost somewhat; however, when I found out he smokes pot, I stopped. I have nothing against people who smoke pot, or use drugs.. (I think they're dumb, tbh, but hey, who am I to judge) I just can't respect him for it.

Oh yeah, I'm also very immature and I do stupid things because of it. I'm sure this isn't a shocker to anyone.. but I try to NOT do stupid immature things all the time, even when I really, really want to.. .__.

I always have very strange dreams, and the strangest ones to me are the ones that seem realistic. I once had a dream that I got out of bed after I woke up, and started washing dishes.. I was in a bad mood because I hate washing dishes, but then I woke up.. it was a INCREDIBLY realistic dream.. and when I went into the kitchen, all the dishes had just been washed.. so... it freaked me out. I have moments like that on occassion, where dreams are INCREDIBLY realistic.. so sometimes I have a hard time separating dream from reality..

Also, sometimes, things that happen in reality seem like it's a dream.. I get that, "feelingless, I can fly!" type feeling, and everything in the world seems to happen too perfectly.. too.. odd. It's all very confusing.

I'm a horrible procrastinator, too. I put things off until minutes before I can do them, but I'm amazing with time management, so I can finish everything I need to do in those few minutes.

I'm slightly ocd, too. Certain things just drive me nuts.. like an uneven amount of something.. (it has to end on a 5 or 10.)

Ummmm I'm very tired so I'm going to sleep, i'll update this more later.