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k gonna write some stuff down.

never loved jessica. Lusted for her some, confused that with a bit of love.. obviously I knew I didn't love her love her, but I got upset when drake ******** her because that meant she was a whore, and not someone special.

also, she was my "safety net", so if I did lose chloe, I could go to her.. (******** up, I know. I didn't think of her seriously though.) Lost her completely, I hate her, and it's all fine. o o;;

Last night, I was so hyper, I did tons of thinking in seconds.

Imagined my life without Chloe.

It'll suck a**, but I can do it.

I'll probably move to cali this summer, or something. I'm kinda tired of her hot/cold with me, too. I don't want to be living up there with her, then her getting upset and kicking me out, so I'm basically homeless o o;;

It's all fine, though. I locked Neena away. She's sad, very, very sad. but not dead. I kinda wish I could die sometimes, there's a lot of drama, I just want to.. I dunno. I'm tired of this. I'm tired of confusion, I'm tired of lies, I'm tired of people, I'm tired of emotional ties.

I'm tired of the carrot on the string, and that's what girls always lord over you. They always have something you want, something you need, and then when you don't do as they say, they yank it away from you.. so I stopped eating carrots, so to speak.

I'm thinking about seriously moving to cali.. just because it's what mom wanted me to do back in the day.. we were going to move to cali together..

anyways, I figured I'd end up alone in the end, so I prepared for it, and.. yeah. I guess this is, "chloe's going to move on, and I'm s.o.l." time. lol o o

It's ok, it doesn't hurt as much as I thought it would, I can live with it. Being alone for the rest of my life will kinda suck you know? buttt heyyyy lol it'll work out. I'll manage. I'm not going to date anyone else, no matter how much people fall in love with me, no matter what feelings I develop for them, Chloe was a real lover, and I only believe in one true love, so any other love I find would be a fake love. I don't want fake love, I'm tired of fake love.

I'm happy to say I found a real lover though, I'm happy to say I got to experience true love..

I'm not going to sit here and think about what I lost, no. I'm going to sit here and remember all the good times we had ^ ^