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Got off the phone with Chloe. We got into a fight over something stupid as hell, she got pissed. Said, "this is why I prefer to date girls",

Slap in the face reminder that I don't stand a chance and have been wasting my time, hoping for something I'll never have. I told her, "i'm s**t outta luck, and just don't care anymore. I take teh good when it comes, but otherwise I don't care."

It's true, too. I need to stop wasting my time pining over a girl who is only interested in playing games, but preers girls anyways. People are only honest when they're upset because then they don't care about anyone's feelings.

So, I'm taking her words for truth, and abandoning hope for me + her.

Am I upset right now? Ys. Will I ever show her my true feelings? (upset, hurt, etc.) No. She hasn't earned the right to see me crumble.. All I'll let her see is the cardboard cut out of a stone wall, infront of the rubble.

I'll never let her know when I'm really head over heels for her, either. I'll show her my happiness, but I won't let her bask in my love -- not until she's earned that trust.. She'll get my afection, part of my warmth..but I'm keeping my heart partially closed to her... She's too unpredictable..I refuse to let her hurt me again.

I'll keep being nice, I"ll stay a friend ,but I keep getting reminded why I closed my heart the first time.