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I'm glad I have tonight off. I.. ...

I don't feel anything right now. I wasn't particularly close to grandpa, but.. when blood dies, it leaves such a ******** cold feeling inside.

I have to be strong again. I've been letting myself be weak.. I wanted to be able to be weak, because now I have to be the family's strength again..I cried, and I was vulnerable, because I knew that once grandpa died, I wouldn't be able to..

I let myself worry, I let myself feel.. but now I can't. Right now, I have to be stone.. I have to keep everyone together, I can't let them fall apart...

Grandpa was suffering. I knew he was going to die soon, you could tell... and he did. Everyone is ******** dead.. now all that's left are my aunt, my dad, my cousin, and my brother/sister.

Our entire family is dying off.. = =; I hate this place.. ugh..

I only want to talk to chloe now.. I only want to be around her, but she even said, I can't be selfish.. she has her own problems to deal with, I can't burden her with mine..I won't burden anyone with mine..

I sit alone, in the window sill, staring outside. Neena wants to hug me, she wants to keep me warm, but I won't have it. Stone is cold. I tell her she can sit in a chair near me, if she wants to talk.. but I won't be touched.

I don't want anyone near me right now.

There is only one person in the world who I'd even let sit CLOSE to me, and she's got enough on her plate to feed a ********' football team. I'll deal with this on my own, I always have. It's not her responibility to baby me.

Neena is sad. "We were making such great progress, you were so willing to change, so willing to let her in.."

"s**t happens. Life sucks."

"I don't want to have to start this process all over again, from square one.. you were so close.."

"I don't care anymore. If we did it once, we can do it again. If you don't want to, I don't ******** care. I don't like people anymore. I don't want to be AROUND people. Now I remember why I used to be the way I was when I was a kid, people aren't worth any happiness, all they deserve is pain and suffering."

"..."

She won't say another word. She just stares silently at the ground. She stands up, walks away.

Outside, the sky turns to night, there are stars, but no moon.