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I'm in a blah mood.. I guess it could be the weather, but I'm ust.. annoyed.

I'm jealous that Chloe has a life, and that she can go out on a whim, she has people to see and places to see them, she gets invited to parties, and people want to hang out with her. I only have a few friends, and none of them ever invite me out.

I'm paranoid, too. Well, I'll make this two in one.

I'm dissapointed in myself, for being paranoid. I had thought I trusted her completely.. but I guess I don't. It's depressing... and then the paranoia itself.. I'm sitting here, thinking, "why would she go out there?" (obviously because she's bored, but) I'm thinking, "what are they doing out there? you don't just sit around a fire.. you drink, hang out, get high, and all that stuff.. just sitting around staring at a fire is boring.."

Deep down I know she won't do any of that stuff, but those thoughts keep ******** popping into my mind, which makes me upset, because I don't want her to live that life, then it depresses me because I thought I was better than this.. then there's my jealousy in general..

Meh..

I'm a bad person.

I keep thinking, "well if I can't trust her, and blahblahblah, maybe it'd be best for her, if I just left.. that way, I won't bring her down, I won't make her feel bad for going out and having fun, and then she can do whatever she wants, and I won't be here to stop her and say no, she'll be happy then, right?"

I don't know.. my emotions are dead right now.. well, the good happy ones are. I'm just blah, and meh, and a;dlkfja;ldkf in general. Meh..

I want to give up and leave. I want to just save my money for each coming con, and go to them all.. one con a month..

Leave everyone behind me, and just go to cons exclusively.. make friends there, and see where that life takes me..

I wont.. I wont.. but sometimes I stare up at the sky and dream..