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She's going to kansas city tommorow..

I'm not going to see her until tuesday.. she's going to hang with her other friends..

no positive influences...

-lays down, rolls onto side. stares at the wall-

I lied to myself so many times, telling myself she was clean, she was only having fun dancing.. that I can't do it anymore.. I can't tell it to myself now, even when I know it's the truth.. because I lied to myself so much before..

I brainwashed myself..

some of the things she said still hurt..

"love isnt enough.." heh..

it wasn't then.. it wasn't...people can change so easily, so quickly...

meh...

I'm not going to worry about her going... i'm just going to heave a sigh.. and wish that we didn't take this break on such a bad note...

maybe she'll have fun in kansas..

maybe..

i wont.. i wont have fun while shes gone.. ill never be able to trust her friends... i used to think they'd watch out of her, think they'd take care of her.. but they just sat idly by while she almost killed herself..

i dont trust any raver friends of hers.. I just don't trust anyone with her, but me.. and it's going to cost me her.. heh..

lose the one you love to protect her..

almost like dying to save her life.............I would do it.