Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

I feel so.. shitty. I feel like I have nothing left in the world.. is it the stress from work..? But I don't even care.. is it because I can't talk to Chloe? It may be.. but I've gone a while without talking to her, and haven't felt this way.

I don't know, maybe it's just how crappy today has been for me.. I know everything is going to be okay.. I just need to get out of this funk.. I hate feeling this way.. it's.. so blah. .__.; eh.. I feel so alone.. I feel abandoned, and I feel like everything I had worked up to so far was suddenly ripped away from me.. this is such a horrible feeling, and I don't even know why I'm feeling it!

It feels fake, too.. It's like a fake sorrow, that I'm only feeling for the sake of feeling it.. I feel it in my body, it's a poison for my soul.. but I don't feel the sadness in my heart, or my gut.. I guess I've been poisoned.. by who? Why would I feel this way..

Maybe I'm just too stressed.. maybe I'm homesick..? I could be.. I may just be homesick for Missouri.. .__.;

I'd be much happier if I didn't have to go to work tonight, I'd be so much happier if I didn't have to deal with the s**t at the shell.. if I didn't have to deal with drunk customers, a*****e customers, upset customers, people in general.. if I didn't have to deal with bosses yelling at me, with.. life in general.

I miss missouri.. I miss everything being so care free and happy all the time, I miss only having to worry about friends relationships, and being with the person I love most.. maybe it's just this holiday.. I don't know..

Neena isn't talking, she's busy or something.. I know if I need her she'll be here, but I feel so.. soul poisoned.. I don't really want to talk to her right now.. I just want to sit in the darkness and stare at the stars, listen to music, and let everything flow from me.. but that's not going to happen.. I have to work all night.. and tommorow night, and tuesday night, too.. I hope I get a few days off after tuesday.. I don't want to work anymore.. .__.; -sighs- meh... v v

In a few months, I'll be free from these kinds of feelings.. in a few months, I wont' have to worry about this kind of stuff anymore.. I can't wait for it..