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I can't say I understand it, but God really does give everything meaning. I've been really apathetic, bordering on depressed, since vacation....and now I feel different again. I feel more like spontanously giggling, and less like giving up on everything. Even the eye thing I've been dealing with isn't getting to me anymore. How's that related to God? Well, I've also been slowly drifting from Him since vacation; I've been getting wound up in my distractions, and life, and I guess that was really taking a toll on me. I haven't really been giving him everything, and I still think I'm not, but before I wasn't really honest with myself or Him about that. Last night I went to him and laid it all out before Him, including the fact I want to give it all to Him; I just don't know how. I missed Him. I really did.

Things haven't really changed. I'm still where I was yesterday (worse actually, because there's work I need to do I haven't been keeping up with). I don't feel empty now though. That really makes the difference.

Sorrow (1st Version. The edited version will be in the next entry.)

She painted a strip of blue around the room
And called it Sorrow.
Hadn't she lived through enough?
Everyone should know.
She should be able to keep this constant feeling,
Nourish it,
Feel it's compainship.
If Joy would abandon her,
She'd settle for Woe.

She found a green spot on the wall
And called it Bitterness.
She thought someone else had painted it
And wanted to keep it there,
So they could see it
And she could tell them
They owed her.
If she couldn't have Peace
She could feed her pet Grudge.


She saw her ceiling was gray
And called it Despair.
She had thought it was white once
With gold trim
But wasn't surprised to find she was wrong.
She had given up
On this room and everything in it,
Because if Hope wouldn't have her,
Than only Death would.

(Added fourth stanza. Opinions about whether it works would be much appreciated)
But Death wouldn't have her.
Instead she woke up
To rosy pink spreading across the walls,
Purple clouds dotted a painted horizon,
And Sorrow's blue softened and lay on the floor.
She had thought all had been lost.
Instead Love found her when nothing else would,
And Hope, Peace, and Joy followed.