Well sorry about the wait everyone. I went to see my grandparents this thanksgiving week. It was pleasent. As pleasent as that gets. It's not so much that I dislike my grandma or any of my cousins it's just that I miss home and have nothing to do. Thanksgiving was good. I stuffed my face with tons of stuffing and turkey and other assorted Thanksgiving treats. One more year has passed since we first sought thanks for curseing the Native Americans with our presence. I have a thing aginst imigration mostly because I believe they are takeing all my jobs and reduceing the minimun wage...but then I have to remember...I'm just another alien. I'm not racist or anything if that's what your thinking...just iritated with the lack of work and money.

I take it my journal here is going over well...being I don't think a single person has read it. This is either good or bad. I guess in a way at least now I'm not being judged by anyone. I could say horrible mean things and insult people and they would never know...but I wouldn't do that anyways...not intentionaly. I have a way of letting things slip from time to time. I can be a real a** when I'm not watching. A flaw I must live with.

The last few days have been hectic for me and the other. My lack of energy to do any work has finally caught up with me and now I'm leaning over the edge looking down into the abyss of stress hell. I can't decide which is worse...over stressed or complete boredom. I lean tords stress being a more horrendous feeling. I rather know I have nothing to do than wonder in fear aimlessly trying to remember something I had to do. School and work just arn't my thing...and thus while instead of controling the world...I'll probably become a bum.

A strange change has come over me the last few weeks. I've had a thirst for alcohol. I hate the stuff yet for some reason I want to get drunk. I think it's the stress trying to find a way to release itself as it did when I used to cut myself. Thoughs days are behind me thank you. And thank God for it. I'm not going to revert in some other distraction only to find I'm addicted to some other mutilation. So often I find myself reverting to hurting myself instead of solving the problem. Another flaw of mine. I've been very good about keeping my eyes off myself and tords my goals and thus far it's been successful. I still feel the "edge" holding onto some part of me...I must step lightly.

Besides all of that jazz I'm in a pretty good mood. I'm feeling pretty comfortable. The air is cold and yet just like I like it. It's raining. It's been raining all week and I'm happy. I love rain. I love grey skies and dark days. Something about them always seems comfortable and relaxing to me. I think it has something to do with the fact that I like being by myself and on rainy days no one comes over. I can just do my own thing. Or maybe it's just an excuse to be lazy.

Even now I should be doing homework and instead I'm here typing in this journal talking to no one and wasteing valuable college time. But...I can't get myself to get off my lazy a** and start doing anything...not yet anyways. Tomorrow maybe...

Or not at all...my usual answer...