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Lilly's Diary
personal thoughts here
My dreams are very important to me
In my dreams, I can learn life lessons and learn things about myself, about my future, about anything, really, without actually having to experience it in person.

It's taught me about drug abuse, it's taught me about dealing with psycho murderers, etc, etc, etc.

Last night, it taught me about losing Chloe. :/

We've been a bit rocky, but mostly everything has been ok-ish.

Had a dream last night that the first day we were back in Sabinal, I went to one of my dads parties, with all our friends there. Chloe left in the middle of the night/day/whatever, just totally angry with me. I didn't know the specifics. I ended up staying the night with my friends, and completely forgot about chloe.

Next morning, I was packing my s**t up and I was going go home.. walked outside with dad and my brother/his friend, and texted chloe. I meant to type "hey whats up" but autocorrect sent out "jesus ******** christ" (not sure how) and I got a reply instantly..

"lone :respect"

So she had set up her phone to send automatic replies, saying she was alone and to respect that and give her her space. I told my dad to drop me off at Weldon's (my "grandpa's" house, where apparently me and my dad and everyone were going to live for whatever reason) but then I decided what the hell, I'd just stay there, because the dream had changed and I was at my dad's house. I walked inside and started dropping everything off, while the phone was on so I could hear chloe's phone (not sure how but it worked kind of like a bug o_o) so I just mostly heard music on her side, and older men talking (who I assumed were her relatives).. and I just walked into the bedroom, dropped my stuff off, and I kept thinking "wtf.. what am I going to do... did Chloe go to Missouri??"

It just.. really freaked me out thinking she left me in TX alone, and went back to Missouri...

I keep telling her that if she wants to go back home to her mom she can.. that I won't stop her from doing that because I know how she feels about TX... but now I'm wondering if I could do it alone this time.. after spending damn near 1-2yrs with someone, every day of my life, could I suddenly never see her again? :S





 
 
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