Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

 
 

View User's Journal

NVM
Chapter 2

Aeir jumped out of the way, away from Mimi. Lumi was delusional from Mimi's attacks. "Attacking with something that'll leave you open for a counterattack isn't the smartest choice." Mimi was enraged, and the insult of her attack didn't help.
"Aeir, Is that you? Or is it Dante? Whoever it is, please help me."
Lumi was losing consciousness, Dante, Hunter, and Sorrow were gone, Mimi has gone insane. "Who are you! Tell me or die!" Mimi screamed. Yup, she's gone crazy. Could knock her out, but Lumi's injured, and I can't carry two people at once. And I can't leave either of them her neither. Mimi lunged again, red in her eyes. Knock her out and carry both it is.

Aeir starts to narrate this part
Let me tell you what just happened after knocking her out, I had to walk 20 miles, carrying two teenage girls, one over each shoulder, no idea where the rest of my team was, or even if there was a town close by.

"That sucked." Aeir had trekked for twelve hours, to find a town in his aimless wandering. Mimi started to wake up about a mile from the town.
"What the hell happened last night?" she asked. No memory of what happened, lets keep it that way, don't need more fighting.
Lumi was waking up too, not the best combination, she might freak out from just seeing Mimi, but a teenager, about a year or two off of Aeir's age walked up to the group. "You three look like you got mauled by the Gundra, or something."

Seven hours had passed, and I had fallen asleep, not the best time to sleep when you have two girls that hate each other in the same team, is it? But what surprised me was I didn't awaken to screams or fighting, I woke up to find it was quiet, not the 'something's gonna happen' quiet, but the good kind that doesn't have you up on your toes. Needing some form of food still, I got up, and started to walk to the door.

"Lumi, the guy that saved us is up." Mimi yelled, awkward she said it like she cared about me or Lumi. I passed a mirror on the way into the room that the girls were in, noticing the outfit, but not the tattoo on his shoulder. Aeir looked outside the window, actual grass, and any form of plant-life was valuable in Drakonis. "Where are we? This doesn't look like Drakonis." Mimi heard what he said, and walked towards him. "Hey, thanks for... What is it you're looking at, we're in your homeworld from the looks of it."

She was right about the first part, but not the rest, it wasn't his home, but a new, unexplored world neither his Father, or he had gone to.
"Mimi, Lumi, is he up?" The boy from before asked them, they nodded. "Who are you?" Aeir asked.
"Meta, it's me, Nathaniel, it's been a year since anyone here last saw you. You look like you three need sleep, I'll be downstairs if you need anything." I must be dreaming, that or I have memory loss. Aeir heard in the distance Lumi and Mimi yelling at the guy, but these two words jogged his memory "But Aeir."






User Comments: [1]
Akari Ryou ZX
Community Member





Sat Apr 14, 2012 @ 10:53pm


gaia_crown

BWAHAHA! I'm here -w-
I'll be posting in your journal, like I said earlier. Ya know: critiquing.

I like this post very much, since it spins off from the first post so very well.

There are some punctuation problems ( rofl ) and you're missing a few words to complete some sentences like in:
Lumi was losing consciousness, Dante, Hunter, and Sorrow were gone, and Mimi was going insane.
That sentence there is edited and:
And I can't leave either of them her neither.
Did you mean there instead of her? Just curious.
This is well written: I applaud your efforts. *pachi pachi*

I'll continue reading, since Aeir's past/present/future interests me very much, but you can tell me if I should stop critiquing C:
Right now, a flashback would probably be the best way to continue this, since the last thought is: But Aeir. This would best be followed by the present events in the same chapter.
These things here are all just suggestions; there's really no need to change anything.

gaia_crown


User Comments: [1]
 
 
Manage Your Items
Other Stuff
Get GCash
Offers
Get Items
More Items
Where Everyone Hangs Out
Other Community Areas
Virtual Spaces
Fun Stuff
Gaia's Games
Mini-Games
Play with GCash
Play with Platinum