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I suppose you're wondering why I'm writing this?
Well, let me save you the time and simply tell you that I'm not entirely sure as to why myself. All I know is that there have been things that have been very heavy on my mind lately, and very few people to speak of them with. Naturally, I would turn to the company of a written journal, and to those who happen to be reading this, whether any of you care to do so or not. Call it a memoir of sorts if you will, but I would merely consider it the babblings of a bitter man clinging desperately to the good old days.
They say everyone has a story to tell, and while mine may not be the most interesting, nor the most compelling to the mind, this story is my own. Everything I am about to tell you is one hundred percent truth, and while I may leave a thing or two out of writing (whether intentional or unintentional) make no mistake to those who are reading I remember all of it vividly. These stories I now impart to you, the reader.

I don't know precisely where to begin, or what exactly to write, let alone how exactly to tell you this story, so bear with me if it seems as though I'm rambling incoherently. If that's the case, then I probably am.

I suppose I should start from the beginning--the VERY beginning--from the very first experience I had with the larger world.
I came initially from an MMO by the title of Graal Online. It wasn't much to look at visually, but creatively the possibilities were endless. Picture a video game world the same as that of The Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past, but with free creativity over the animations, the map, and your avatar. You could do anything from creating your own completely customized avatar at no cost at all, to designing entire homes and even servers for reasonable maintenance fees. I know it's a bit odd of me to be explaining to you my life from the perspective of a video game of all places, but believe me this is where I had the experiences that have indeed shaped me into precisely who I am today.
Call it pathetic if you will, but I call it history.

When I came there, the world was booming; players were on at all hours of the day, servers were almost fully populated, and the community as a whole was at its strongest. At the time I went by the handle of PsychoDragon. I had come at first to be a part of an operation that a friend of my brother's had had running for some time. He called it the Shadow Militia. I was to be a part of an ongoing surveillance and special tactics force in your typical MMO grade fight against rival factions seeking total domination over the grid. A small affair I'm sure, but to me it was a grand adventure the likes of which I had never experienced before--being but a lad no older than about ten or eleven years of age myself. Of course, being the strapping young lad eager to go off on all kinds of "adventures" that I was I naturally ended up going on my own way in the midst of all the struggle. I suppose you could say that was where my real adventure began.

In my comings and goings on that game I encountered many people, many of the most interesting of whom I shall now explain to you. Perhaps my first real friend in the realm of Graal was a fellow by the handle of Zelock. You see, in my experience on Graal I learned of many different factions, one of whom particularly caught my eye: the Silver Moon Kingdom. Now Zelock and I had both been great admirers of this kingdom, but being at the time non-members of the game, we were unable to officially join. Therefore, we created our own sub-grouping, loyal to the kingdom.

Zelock and I had a number of adventures discovering many things about the Silver Moon Kingdom and its history, from stories learned over time, meeting various members of the kingdom, including prominent members and even royalty, to the secrets within the very walls of the kingdom's castle itself, but I will never forget the grandest of these adventures: the legend of the Kingdom of Avalon, a kingdom founded by a man by the name of Rayune Lunamera--a supposed traitor to the Silver Moon Kingdom.

I eventually had the fortune of meeting Rayune himself, and by this point Zelock had all but vanished from my contact. Naturally, I had my reservations, especially after having learned his story. Rayune--a prominent member and personal friend of the queen--had been accused of espionage within the Silver Moon Kingdom, and of aiding an enemy faction leading to his ultimate betrayal, and as a result was banished. He created the Kingdom of Avalon as a refuge, and since established his own rule there. He told me many things about the Silver Moon Kingdom, about its queen, who had recently passed away in real life as a result of a tragic accident. I eventually did some investigation into who Rayune really was, and had discovered that everything I heard about him was true, but he did so with his own reasons. The Silver Moon Kingdom had become corrupt, and its rulers became power hungry and imperial in nature. Naturally, Rayune defected in an attempt to stop them, but he was caught in the act, and banished. I'll never forget the actions of that man who stood up against tyranny, and ultimately lost everything as a result.

It had been a couple of years since I had joined Graal before I had met perhaps the people who would then become the most important people I had ever known: my family. One day in particular I had met another fellow by the handle of Dremora. He had created a small sub-kingdom known as Starfire Island. Dremora approached me one fateful day and asked me to become his heir, the Prince. I accepted, and so began the first family I ever knew outside of the family I had in real life. I know it's a bit odd of me to cling so much to a family of people I hardly knew as opposed to my own family in reality, but at the time I suppose you could say my relationship with other family members hadn't been the best. Anyway, my relationship with my father figure, Dremora, eventually grew stronger and stronger over time until I learned of the first addition to our family that he had adopted--she went by the handle of Sarah at the time, and she would soon serve to be one of the most important people I had ever known, but I'll get into that later. For now, I'll simply explain my family ties. I hadn't liked Sarah very much at first, in fact in my immaturity as the only adopted heir I hated her. I ridiculed and mocked her for some time before finally coming to accept her as family after a long talk and apology. Sarah and I would then come to know another lad by the name of Alex, who had apparently been Dremora's adopted son in real life. To this day I question their story, as it always seemed a bit sketchy and didn't quite add up, but that isn't the point here. The point is the timeless bond we had with each other, the friendship and intimacy that existed on a level of which I had never felt before. Real or not, they will always be my family, my brother and sister, in my heart.

At this point in my life many things had begun to change--both physiologically and emotionally. Yes, at the time I had finally reached middle school, and puberty. As a result, my relationship with Sarah had begun to become slightly more intimate. I had learned her name, Savannah, and we had spoken on the phone quite a few times. At this point I had encountered a feeling I had never felt before. I had discovered that I actually liked her. You know, "LIKE" like, as the kids around that age would always put it. Unfortunately in my bumbling as the immature child I was, I made quite a few mistakes in my attempts to grab her attention. Being that our birthdays were only a couple of days apart from each other on the calendar, though she was older than me by almost a complete year, I panicked. I had told her that I was born the same year she was. In other words, I lied. I told a lie that I would later come to regret more than I had regretted anything before in my life. Up until then she had been crazy about me, and everything seemed so wonderful, but when she learned the truth, it all went away. My first legitimate crush--crushed because of my own mistakes. We still spoke and all, and remained good friends, family even, but it was never quite the same after that.

Now this wasn't entirely the only "family" I had ever known on Graal. Over time I had developed a taste for role playing, and had engaged myself in many an adventure with yet more interesting men and women who would continue to add to the extensive list of family and friends alike in the world of Graal. It was around this point that I acquired the handle of Xero, a handle that I will go into the significance of perhaps another time, but this was to be my identity henceforth. Sarah/Savannah and I had become affiliated with another family as a result of our role-playing ties. Our father figure at this point was a man by the handle of Kiba, and our many adventures with this family would prove to be timeless and bonding experiences for the both of us. Eventually I would go on to create a family of my own. A clan--The Tenjin Clan.

The Tenjin Clan was my grandest of achievements on the world of Graal Online. They were truly my family, and my legacy. I adopted many sons, some of whom I grew close to while others grew more distant over time. Perhaps chiefest among my family members, those whom I will remember most of all was a young woman who went by the handle of Zelda. Rather predictable for a game that was modeled around the whole premise of The Legend of Zelda itself, but still important. Her role plays were quite elaborate, ranging from basic stories about herself as the Princess Zelda to all out struggles within families over good and evil. It was quite entertaining, really. Well, what I remember of it was anyway. Zelda was quite the imaginative young lady, and one of the most unforgettable companions I ever had. Her relentless optimism, her ability to love and care for so many, even if those around her would take advantage of such a person. She was truly special, and to this day I remember and miss her. I miss everyone from the clan, really. It was such a shame to see them dissipate so slowly, but so surely.

Savannah had also agreed to be a part of my family, as my sister, but we had also encountered another faction with which I became involved, and as a result so did she. The Avalanche Army was a sub-faction similar to the Shadow Militia which I had joined during the earlier days of my involvement on Graal, and apparently the two factions knew each other as well. Getting further to the point I became involved with this faction in many different ways, from managing actual functions of the group to engaging in various different role plays on a server dedicated to the sole purpose of role playing.
Over time, Savannah had become involved with many different real life relationships, and eventually she disappeared for some time. None of us really knew where she went, or why. It wasn't very much like her at all. The leader of the Avalanche Army, a man by the handle of Mjolnir Asid, and I both engaged in an investigation in hopes of somehow locating her. Over time, her account eventually popped on and off with activity. Being curious about this, I decided to engage in a conversation with her. Her tone seemed different, and all she would say was things like "when was the last time we spoke" or "why are you talking to me?" Of course, this wasn't like her at all. Puzzled as I was, Mjolnir and I looked into the matter and eventually Savannah herself came back, explaining to the both of us that she had been in an abusive relationship with a young brute (I refuse to use the term man at all, as this person was hardly a "man" at all) and she hadn't really been on at all the whole time, and that it was him manipulating her and her account. Mjolnir and I both put a stop to this behavior, and encouraged Savannah to rid herself of this person and come back to us. Eventually, she returned happily and we were finally reunited for good.

As time passed Savannah and Mjolnir grew closer, eventually even developing feelings for each other. Now me being as foolish as I still was at the time, I became a bit jealous (as I always had been at her prior love interests) and began to resist Mjolnir's influence over her. The two eventually got together, and seemed quite happy, but admittedly I wouldn't have it, and I clung bitterly to my dear sister, fearing that she would once again be hurt. At this point Savannah and I had begun growing apart, and she eventually disappeared from Graal altogether after the ensuing drama over relationships and my unwillingness to let her be. In hindsight, looking back, I wish I hadn't been so belligerent with her. If I had only been more understanding perhaps none of this would ever have happened. Oh well though. I suppose you can't change the past, now can you? If that were so I wouldn't be writing any of this to you right now.

After the drama with Savannah leaving, I was left with not much to handle anymore, and I turned to common socializing around Graal for a while, until I met a young man by the handle of Vain. Vain became a brother to me, and a close friend as well. Unfortunately our bond together would be rather short lived as a young girl by the name of Brittany came into the picture. Being the naive young girl that she was, she engaged in a relationship with Vain for a while, only for the two to end up breaking up over time. Now the reason I'm going on about this senseless drama and relationship garbage is because eventually Brittany and I would become romantically involved, if only for a short time. She was an odd young lady, having a rather colorful and questionable background herself. My time with her was rather brief, a mere four months, before I would then move on to an even greater adventure, but I'll get more into that in a bit.

Now before I go any further I feel I've left something out of the picture (perhaps not unintentionally) that I must explain to you. In my many years and forays on Graal online I encountered one individual in particular who at the time seemed to me like little more than that irritating fanboy who nobody wanted anything to do with. This irritating fanboy went by the handle of Damia, and ironically enough he would later become one of my best friends. In my first encounter with this fanboy he came off as an incredibly annoying little punk. I suppose you could classify it as what the internet would call a "troll" of sorts, though that really wasn't too far off from how he actually associated himself. I dealt with him accordingly, and eventually he finally disappeared. It would be at least three years before I would ever see him again, and that leads us back to about the time Brittany and I had gotten together as a couple.

When Damia came back, he seemed a bigger fanboy over my clan, the Tenjin clan, than ever before. Even though I had not formally allowed him to be a part of it, he had gone off and created several other factions of the clan on various other games including MapleStory, and even here on Gaia, which would eventually be what brought me here in the first place. He told grand stories of the great Tenjin Clan to his friends and enemies alike, and helped make my clan bigger than ever. Naturally, I felt he was a bit more tolerable after this (which in fact he was, as he had also grown much more mature since then) and I allowed him to become a full time member of the clan, and even my second in command.

Damia, known as Brennan in real life, had eventually convinced me to come here to Gaia Online to help build up a faction of the Tenjin Clan. At this point in time, Graal Online had begun to fade. The user count dwindled little by little as trial members lost more and more privileges, prices for the game went up and servers began to fail. Eventually the game itself faded into obscurity, never again to regain its former glory. It was for this reason that I finally decided to come here to begin life anew.
To this day I still have no clue what ever became of the friends I had come to know on Graal, save for maybe one or two of them, and to this day I continue to wonder how things would have been. I still visit Graal every now and then, but it's never been the same since they all left. There's really nothing much left to go back to. Just a barren wasteland populated by little more than about a dozen or so at a time--Nothing like its former glory at all.

Now then, here is where things really got interesting. It was not long after coming to Gaia that Brennan introduced me to a young woman who would later become the single most significant person in my entire life. Her name was Christina.
Now, Brennan introduced me to Christina at first by informing me of an "incredibly hot girl who had promised to give him a webcam strip show." Naturally, this didn't quite go well with me and my first impression of her was a bit of a weak one. At the time, Christina was in a relationship with Brennan, and she was absolutely crazy about him. Little did she know that behind her back Brennan had been talking down about her to me the entire time, telling me things like she was a huge slut and that she was annoying. He even once jokingly offered to hook the two of us up, as it so happened that we lived within a reasonable vicinity of each other. Ironically enough, Brennan had no idea how right he really was about that idea.

At the time Christina went by the handle of Ino_Yamanaka_chan, as she was a rather large fan of Naruto at the time (mostly just gay shippings of various male characters), though this isn't too terribly relevant to my experience with her at all. No, my experience with Christina would come to be something much more serious--more intimate.
Brennan had been treating Christina increasingly poorly, and as a result my playing along with him slowly turned to pity and reservation toward her. After all, she really didn't seem anything at all like the webcam whore Brennan had told me about. She was, in my eyes, innocent; a mere victim of an abusive boyfriend who repeatedly ran off with other women, not even bothering to keep them a secret from her.
Eventually Brennan had finally left her, insisting that one of his other mistresses was much better and more suited for his own selfish needs. He had still kept tabs on Christina though, entrusting me to "keep an eye on her and watch her" as he went off to a week-long camp in real life. It was over this week that Christina and I had our most significant bonding time since we had first spoken. At this time, I formally apologized to her for my behavior in the past, and promised to treat her better from then on, and so I did. It was as a result of this behavior that Christina brought up a seemingly outrageous proposal; she had asked me to be her boyfriend--her lover. I wasn't sure what to say at first, as I was at the time still in a relationship with Brittany, but having little to no faith in said relationship at all (Brittany was an odd fellow, always seeming to get herself in trouble or grounded by some means, therefore unable to be there for me most of the time) I decided to end things with Brittany and promptly accepted Christina's proposal. I know it seems shallow of me to have simply jumped from one girl to the next on a whim, but something in me felt compelled to give Christina a chance at a real relationship--at true kindness. To prove to her that real men do in fact exist out there, that she deserved so much more than how she had been treated prior. And so I set out to be such a man. I asked her on our first date, and from there it was set in motion. I was to take her out for coffee and we would stroll around town for a bit to get to know each other.

From there, the real adventure began. On the day of July the 10th, 2008, my relationship with Christina began.
But that's another story, for another entry, as I fear there wouldn't be enough room in this one entry for all of that information to come.