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To whomever may still be reading this at the time, I welcome you back to my little story. If you've made it this far into the story I commend you. You've managed to put up with my ramblings more than most of my own friends.
Anyway, formalities aside I should be getting back to the story itself.

I last left off when Christina and I had first agreed to be in a relationship with each other, when I had begun the biggest adventure of my young life: having an actual girlfriend. I know I mentioned the "relationship" I had with Brittany prior to Christina, but when you really get right down to it internet relationships are never too well founded and nothing is ever quite the same as when you get to experience the real deal.
That being said, at this point my affairs had begun to drift away from the realm of the internet and more into the real world, and in order to explain this well enough I must first explain to you a little more about myself.
I had attended a small private Christian school for some time, and I had just gotten through with my Eighth Grade graduation around the time that I met Christina. It was the summer of 2008 and I was a strapping young lad fresh out of middle school. Curiously enough, I had promised myself never to engage in "dating" until I had at least gotten to high school. I suppose I just barely made the mark on that one now didn't I? At the time I was your model student. Punctual, hard working, diligent and respectful. I couldn't help wondering what high school would be like, and what my new teachers might be like, but somehow all of that vanished from my mind when I met Christina.
By the time Christina and I had our first date, I was your typical awkward, rebellious little fourteen year old who refused to cut his hair (and apparently couldn't well manage it either). The first time I actually saw Christina in person, she looked absolutely stunning. A bright beaming smile on her face as we first embraced each other. Her bright flowered dress complemented her long flowing golden hair perfectly. I was left with little to say at first. After all, she was the first person I had met on the internet who I had legitimately met in person. I invited her to coffee and we both sat down, frappuccinos in hand on that warm summer day as we asked each other questions about ourselves. She would go on and on about her friends Katherine and Trevor and tell me about how much I was like Trevor. Although her statement about myself and Trevor couldn't have been further from the truth, as I had later learned that Trevor was nothing but a sleazebag. Getting back to the point, though, after a long conversation over our coffee, we headed out to stroll around town for a bit. Our first date was rather pleasant, but short lived, as she had to return home just a couple of hours afterward. After all, she did live about a good half hour to an hour's drive north of where I lived, and her mother didn't have very much to do around my part of town. For a time, everything seemed like it was working out better than ever. I mean, what could possibly go wrong, right? Then the drama began.

Christina and I continued our new couple honeymoonish behavior for some time, talking to each other on and off of chat quite frequently and sharing stories, planning the next time we would see each other, which unfortunately would not be for some time. It was during this time that Brennan found out about our relationship, and things really started to go downhill between he and I. Despite the fact that he seemed to show no care whatsoever for Christina, he began to grow somehow angry at the fact that the two of us had gotten together. He began harassing both myself and Christina for some time over the matter, going so far as to use elements of Christina's own past against her as blackmail. It was our first real test as a couple, and my first real test as her boyfriend. I stood up for her multiple times before finally convincing her that Brennan just wouldn't stop until she had blocked him from everything and he could no longer torment her.

It wasn't too much longer afterward that I had discovered that Christina had had a mental breakdown and had to be transported to the hospital after committing harm to herself. I was devastated by this discovery, having writhed in emotional agony for several hours, blaming only myself for causing this mess, for not being able to protect Christina as I should have been able to. It was later that I learned that it had to do with a mixture of the emotional trauma recently experienced along with an imbalance caused by the medication that she had been given for some time. It was by this point that I started developing a disdain toward pharmaceuticals, as I never did quite trust them, and I had now seen what they were capable of doing to someone, but I'll get more into that another time. Getting back to the point, Christina had stayed at that hospital for just shy of a week while they tried to get her off of the bile they had gotten her hooked on in the first place, only to replace it with yet another supplement for her depressed state. We spoke off and on over those days whenever she got the chance to go to the phone that the hospital allowed her to use, and I had promised her that I would do something very special for her upon her return. I had promised her our first kiss. Naturally, this got us both rather excited to see each other once more for the second time. It had been about a month or so since our first meeting, and I was now more eager than ever to show her a happy return.

When the time came for our second meeting, I couldn't have been happier to see her gleaming face once more. I took her on a walk down a creek trail nearby my house that was one of my favorite places to walk. The path was paved in, with plenty of beautiful wild plants along the sides. The atmosphere was absolutely wonderful, listening to the chirping of the birds along with the babbling of the creek adjacent to the path. There was nowhere else I enjoyed walking more than that particular trail.
We had our usual conversations, updating each other on our current happenings as we happily strolled down the trail, up to one of my favorite spots on the whole trail. It was at the top of a hill next to a park where the creek flowed down a man made dam. It had a nice view of the cityscape along with the hills to the north and east, and a small concrete bench next to a bridge connecting either side of the dam. Christina and I sat on this particular bench for some time speaking to one another, but the thought that kept running through my mind more than anything was exactly how and when I would finally be able to meet my lips with hers. Finally, our eyes met for a while. Her gleaming blue eyes had never looked more beautiful to me as we finally leaned in close to each other and kissed each other for the very first time. It wasn't much, just a small peck if anything really, but I remember that being one of the happiest days of my young life. After our experience by the dam, it was time for Christina to once again head home. We walked back to the park down the trail and I saw her off, and suddenly I was on top of the world.
We met once again another time not too long later at a nearby mall, and it was then that I gave her the first actual gifts I had ever given to her. They weren't much, but I wanted her to know I cared and that I wanted her to be happy. I gave her a couple of stuffed animals--a seal and a duck (at the time she absolutely adored ducks)--and one of my favorite jackets. I know, giving a girlfriend your favorite jacket, so cliche right? But it meant something to me, and I hope it meant as much to her as it did to me.

At this point it had been a couple of months since Christina and I had gotten together, and things seemed like they were turning out alright. That is, until I discovered yet another case of drama. This time, I had discovered that Brennan had not gone away at all, that he and Christina had still been talking the entire time, despite my warnings. Worst of all I had discovered that she and Brennan had been "messing around" with each other the whole time. In other words, she had been cheating on me. Having been once again devastated by yet another case of drama, I was about ready to quit. I was so angry, not just at Brennan for having the audacity to persist in his meddling, but at Christina too for having betrayed me in such a way. For the first time, I was legitimately angry with her. Ultimately, I decided to forgive her, being the naive young and compassionate child that I was, eager to keep hold of my newfound love, the love of my life. Now many of you would probably call me a fool for having accepted this act and forgiven her, but I must admit to you now that I am not a perfect man myself, and it would be unfair of me to judge her based solely upon that action, as emotionally devastating as it was. That, and I loved her truly. I was willing to forgive any offense, and love her unconditionally as my own, just as I was taught that love was in its purest form. Although she felt it necessary to bring harm to herself as a result of her actions, having felt awfully about them. To this day she retains the marks on her arm from the incisions she made upon herself.

Eventually I had convinced her to finally get rid of Brennan for good. Needless to say, he was far from anything close to resembling a friend to me in my book--he was a traitor. A traitor and a snake. However, this would prove to be not all of the drama that would ensue within the first several months of my relationship with Christina. It was a rather chaotic first several months if I do say so myself. You see, it had been about three months since we had gotten together by this point, and not once had she ever professed her love to me--let alone in any way shape or form whatsoever. It was as though we were in a relationship, but not in love. Naturally, this bothered me to the point that I had to ask her about it. It was about this point that she explained to me her past relationship with another: a woman by the name of Iris.
Now Brennan had made a mention or two of Iris to me, as had Christina, but I never did learn the full story up until that point. Christina was a young woman herself, about the same age as I was at the time, when she met Iris. Christina had been role playing as a male for some time and had decided that she would, under the guise of her male persona, engage in a relationship with Iris. She didn't think it serious at first, but eventually the two grew closer and closer. Little did Iris know of Christina's secret. Christina had presented herself to Iris by the name of Seth, and would frequently speak to Iris herself under her own name and account as well. Over time, Christina began to grow more and more guilty about having to hide her identity to Iris, fearing what she would think if she had discovered that her lover was in fact a female, and worse yet that this female had been lying to her the entire time. At the time, she had still known Brennan and had become good friends with him. As a result, Brennan convinced Christina to come out about her secret to Iris, and so she finally did.
Of course Iris didn't take too well to the truth, and was incredibly devastated by the news of this, and even left Christina for some time. I couldn't help but be reminded of my first major crush by all of this. After all, I had done something similar, if not the same as what Christina had done--I had lied to maintain the admiration of someone whom I had come to love.
It was also during that time that Brennan made his first move on Christina, enticing her into a relationship with him. Brennan, no different than the way he had always been, only used Christina until her usefulness to him had been used up, and tossed her aside. The poor woman had been so beaten and torn up emotionally already from the breakup with Iris, but now this happened.
She and Iris would eventually get back together, as a female couple this time, but even that eventually came to an end as Christina discovered Iris was being disloyal and had feelings for another boy she had known at school. Devastated once more, Christina locked her heart away, never again to give herself fully to another, as she once again drifted into Brennan's grasp, where she would stay until I discovered her there.

Getting back to the story at hand, after having heard all of this about Christina I couldn't help but feel terrible for her. Still, I tried my best to prove my worth to her; to be able to gain access and possibly even mend her broken heart from so long ago. I would do everything from sending her several love notes accompanied with thoughtful pictures to constantly flirting with and complimenting her, but none of this showed and significant progress to my knowledge.
It was October by now, and school was in full swing for the both of us. Better yet, it was drawing close to her birthday, and on the Tenth of October, we celebrated her birthday together for the first time. I took her out to an Italian restaurant nearby my house in one of the shopping centers, and we once again sat down to discuss our usual matters, as we didn't often get to see each other at this point. As a birthday present I had given her a bouquet of sunflowers, her favorite flower, made her my own cake, just for her, and even given her a necklace for her to wear. It all went wonderfully, and by the end of the evening when I bid her goodnight she seemed quite happy with me.
It wasn't long after that I received the surprise of my life--a journal entry written by her explaining that she had actually begun to fall in love with me. Now, she had written journal entries similar to these in the past, but none so sincere as this one. This time, she admitted it. She loved me. She finally said it.

By the end of October, after she had finally admitted that she loved me, things got a little more serious. It was around Halloween time and Christina and I were to spend Halloween together, just the two of us. Neither of us really wore costumes or anything much like that, but we spent that evening together regardless. It was that evening that the two of us would share our first intimate experience--if only just slightly.
The two of us went down to the park that evening and sat together on the playground for some time. It was raining that evening so we hid ourselves under the shelter of one of the playground's slides. We held each other in romantic embrace for a while until I took her down to one of my favorite spots down right up against the creek bed, beneath the trees adjacent to the park trail. There, the two of us shared our first bit of intimacy together.
Now, I won't go into detail about such a thing. I mean, who really publicly posts about their intimacies like that? Certainly not I. This is a memoir, not a smut. But don't worry, I assure you there was no sex of any kind. Of course not. Just a pleasant memory the two of us shared together--just us.

Skipping ahead to December it had come time for both the Christmas season, and for my fifteenth birthday. Coincidentally, it had also happened to fall during a time where a good friend of mine had been in a school play at one of the local high schools. Christina and I made a point of making it to the show that evening on top of our other birthday formalities.
It was on this day that Christina had gotten me one of the greatest gifts I had ever received: a dog tag necklace, upon one tag of which was engraved the Japanese kanji for "love," and upon the other was inscribed "Forever I'm yours. Christina and Chris. 7/10/08," highlighting the very day upon which Christina and I had first gotten into our relationship. My face was beaming when I laid eyes on the thoughtful gift which she had given me, and I embraced her tightly after immediately putting my newly given dog tag necklace on. The second gift I had received was a pair of arm warmers. You know, those silly sleeve gauntlet type things that emo kids wore on their wrists to cover themselves? Yeah, I was into those. Ridiculous, I know, but of course this was during my "rebellious" phase as so many of us go through, but enough about that.
After having received my presents, we proceeded to go see the show which my good friend William had been in at the local high school. They were doing a rendition of The Odyssey and to this day it remains perhaps the most entertaining production I had ever seen at that school. We had wonderful seats, too. It just so happened that we acquired two front row seats, right next to one of the special effects off stage. It was a wonderful experience for the both of us, and I certainly won't soon forget it.

The year came to its end, and for a time, everything was wonderful. Couldn't possibly have been better, if you honestly ask me. Christina and I were happy together, and we hadn't experienced any significant drama at all. It was finally peaceful and quiet, and the two of us were able to thoroughly enjoy our time spent together. Since I don't want to bore you with any minute details I'll go ahead and skip forward to the beginning to our first Valentines Day together.

Valentines Day 2009 wasn't exactly what I would call the best day we ever had together, but it did indeed have its memories. Chiefest among these memories perhaps was the gift which Christina had made for me: several small strips of paper that had been brilliantly colored and decorated with thoughtful things and ideas written on each one. She called them "love coupons." I simply adored them, and to this day they too remain in my possession (some used, some not so much). Christina and I had gone to the Santa Cruz Beach Boardwalk--a small amusement park in Santa Cruz. It was raining that day, though, so not much was available to do at the time. Granted, we might have had a bit more fun there if the two of us hadn't spent so much of our time looking for a small corner away from people where the two of us could be alone and "mess around," as they say. Yes, at the time the two of us were a bit frisky with each other (but still no sex, mind you). Christina and I decided to head back to my home and spent the remainder of our day by my area at the park where we once again went down by the creek to be together. Of course, as I mentioned earlier I won't go into detail about our exploits. All you need to know is that on that particular Valentines day, we somehow managed to turn a crummy day into something worth remembering, and remember it I still do, quite vividly, to this very day.

Skipping ahead to the Summer of 2009, as much much else of interest happened in the several months between February and May/June of that year, and as I said I don't want to bore you with the insignificant details. Though, if you ask me, all of it was quite significant to me.

Christina and I were nearing our first anniversary together--a whole year of having been together. A rare feat, for people among our age of this generation, mind you. Anyway, at the time my family had scheduled a trip to visit my cousins up north in Oregon, and Christina's cousin had also decided to come to town for a visit. Having to be away from Christina for about a week was irritating to me, though. Especially since I didn't trust her cousin very much--she was a bit of a loose child herself. The two would always get into all kinds of mischief together as Christina would explain to me, so naturally I had my reservations.
I got to meet her cousin once shortly before leaving for Oregon with my family. Unfortunately, I was right in my judgment of her. Her cousin was an obnoxiously crazy woman obsessed with pretty much everything Christina was--but worse. She would go on and on about how "ridiculous" I looked, and practically forced me to change my hair, at least the way it was styled, and the way I had dressed as well. Apparently, at the time Christina didn't like the "hardcore, punk type" style, as much as she had encouraged me to go for such a look prior to this. Anyway, after a long and irritating day with myself, Christina and her cousin, they both returned home.

A couple of weeks after that I left with my family to Oregon to visit my cousins. I felt uneasy leaving Christina all by herself with not much of a way to contact her other than the occasional phone call. She would always go on about how "skinny" and "good looking" her cousin was. I would beg to differ on her standard of beauty, of course, but despite what I said Christina's perspective didn't change at all. During my time away in Oregon her perspective became warped; she thought herself as inadequate and from then on tried her best to emulate the way her cousin looked. I would have tried to talk her out of it, but at the time I was unable to maintain constant contact with her. To this day I wish I had been able to talk her out of it, perhaps then I may have been able to make a difference, to stop the horrible experience that was to come some months later.
Needless to say, the rest of my stay in Oregon left me feeling uneasy and worrisome of Christina, hoping and praying that she wouldn't get herself into too much trouble.

I finally arrived home from Oregon, and the time came for Christina and I's first anniversary together. I was incredibly excited for this time spent together, as it would be a milestone for the both of us--neither of us had ever experienced a relationship lasting this long before. When we got together that day, on that sunny, warm July the 10th, 2009, we sat together in a field next to my house for a while as we exchanged each others' gifts. My gift to her was a bracelet, hand made by myself while I was in Oregon with the help of my aunt. It consisted of blue and white gem beads strung together with silver hearts containing small blue beads within them. It was a long labor, but it was a labor of love. She loved the bracelet, and put it on immediately. She would wear it periodically from then on. Her gift to me was a hand made plush doll of one of my favorite characters in the world--Megaman Zero. I'm a huge sucker for the Megaman games, having grown up with them myself, so believe me this meant something huge to me, but I'll get more into that another time. The point is, I absolutely adored her gift, and to this day it remains with me. Our anniversary was a huge success, and our happiness seemed like it would never end that day, as the two of us could not have possibly been happier together.

By the end of the Summer of 2009 Christina and I had hatched a plan: an idea to be able to go to school together. We wanted more than anything to be able to spend more time together, and what better way than to be going to the very same school? Unfortunately, it wasn't as easy as we had hoped.
I had just finished my Freshman year at the private Christian school I had been attending up until then when I made the decision not to return to that school the next year. Instead, I would be attending a public high school, though unfortunately not my school of choice.
The school I had ended up going to was a school with a horrible history of gang violence and student suicide, so naturally I had plenty of reservation to going there. I anxiously awaited my first day in the larger world of public school, completely nerve wrecked as to how exactly my first experience would go. Surprisingly, my first day wasn't so bad, and things were relatively easy as I began on my way. It wasn't until a few days in that I got dragged--literally dragged--into a small group of students who wanted me to feel more welcome. I suppose I should be grateful, because it was then that I met two friends who would prove to be the only two friends I ever had at that god-forsaken excuse for a school. Their names were Kyle and Anastasia, and throughout the duration of my time there, we would come to be close friends with each other. The two of them remain to this day good friends of mine. Though of course I never intended to become a permanent part of that school, and they knew that. I intended to use that place as a springboard to get me to the real school of Christina and I's dreams. It would be a long struggle, but for her I would endure anything. The two of us were a strong couple--we were inseparable.

Unfortunately for the two of us, though, all was not to remain sunshine and lollipops (then again, does it ever in any relationship?).
About a month or so later, Christina decided to go through with her plan to start losing weight. Much to my objection, she proceeded as she desired. It wasn't so bad at first; just your typical average diet of watching your calorie intake for the day as people often do, but this wasn't to remain so. Eventually, her portions became smaller, her restrictions became tighter, and before I knew it Christina had developed a problem, and so began our long battle with her anorexia.

Now before I get into mentioning her anorexia, I feel there is another story which must now be told. It might not be too terribly interesting to you the reader, but I feel I must record this, for memory's sake. It was early September 2009 when Christina had to go off on another one of her school trips. She had gone on quite a few of those in the past year alone, and unfortunately I had a bit of an abandonment issue. I begged and plead with her not to go each trip, but her mother had forced her to go, and so she went. Why am I explaining this to you, you might ask? Because it was during one trip in particular that she had promised upon her return me one final thing from her that would prove to be the most special, most intimate of all gifts--herself. Yes, Christina and I had finally decided to go all the way together, after a little over a year together and being so sure that we would always be together. And so it was on the day of September the 6th, 2009, that the two of us became one. Her mother had gone away for a celebration of her birthday, so the two of us could be alone. We had a pretty nice setup, too. It was everything she had ever wanted in her first experience: rose petals, candles, romantic music, and everything. She wore the most beautiful lingerie that day, too. Of course, I know I mentioned earlier that I wouldn't go into detail about our intimacies, so I'll leave it at that for now, just for memory's sake. As I mentioned before I don't want this to turn into a work of smut after all. I may not be particularly proud of it all, looking back, but I don't regret it, because I gave it all to someone I truly loved. It was a truly special, and truly memorable experience, and will remain with me forever, despite the fact that it may not have been absolutely perfect. Then again, what in life ever is?

Now then, back to the story at hand after this little oasis of happiness, shall we?

As I mentioned, Christina began restricting her diet further and further, and it all seemed alright at first. She lost a few pounds, and seemed happy for a while, but eventually it wasn't enough--she wanted to lose more. I objected with her, time and time again that she was absolutely fine just the way that she was, that no one could possibly ever be more beautiful than her in my eyes, but it wasn't enough to convince her. As long as Christina saw herself in such a hideous way, then such was how she behaved.
Months went by and I tried my hardest to deter her from her self-destructive habit, but nothing worked. Eventually it came time for her seventeenth birthday, and we were to once again go to dinner together. Her mother had gotten a hotel room so they could stay closer to my area for the night so that Christina and I could enjoy more time together. It was a nice little party. Her mother had bought her her favorite cookie cake, just the way she liked it. Try as I may, though, I couldn't take my mind off of her continuing problem.
While we were at the restaurant, she barely ate a thing, no matter how much I offered to her, insisting that she would be fine and that she didn't need to eat anymore. Things were spiraling out of my control, and at that point I had no clue what to do anymore.

Some more months went by and before I knew it it was once again Christmas time, and time for my sixteenth birthday--although there really isn't much happy to be said about this particular time. As a matter of fact, this was perhaps the darkest month of my young life to date. You see, at this point Christina's anorexia had gotten worse than ever. She not only had restricted her calorie intake to impossible levels, but now she would go entire days without eating anything at all--save for a couple of nibbles. As a result, she had become dangerously malnourished, and developed several physiological conditions, some more severe than others. It was about the middle of the month before her mother had finally had enough; she had to go into treatment for her disorder, before it was too late. Initially, Christina had been slated to arrive at the treatment center much later into the month, but her case became more and more severe, so she had to leave as soon as possible. Perhaps too soon for my liking, but it was all for her, so what else was I to do other than stand by and pray for the best?

Unfortunately, the day that she had been slated to leave for the treatment center was the day just before my birthday, and so my first complete day alone would have to be my own birthday. Naturally, there wasn't much celebration at all that day, in fact I hardly did much of anything at all. I tried to shop around with my brother and go looking for interesting things at stores and whatnot, but my mind could never get free of worrying about Christina. What would they be doing to her? What kind of awful medicine would she have to have crammed down her throat this time? Would she ever be rid of her anorexia at all? After all, it has a relapse rate of over seventy-five percent. Needless to say, my sixteenth birthday would prove to be perhaps the saddest and most depressing of all birthdays I had ever experienced, having been unable to experience this one with my dear Christina. My only condolence was a stuffed wolf that we had made together on the last day we spent together before she left. It had a working beating heart function and everything.

Day after day we wrote back and forth to each other, as it was our only means of communication, and my only means of keeping my sanity. It certainly wasn't easy having to live without the person who had become the most important factor of my entire life. I felt lost without her--lost and alone. Thoughts kept running through my mind of whether or not she would be okay, or whether she would even be the same person by the time she got out of there. Whether she would be the person I fell in love with, or someone completely different who no longer needed me. I know this sounds selfish of me, and perhaps I needed her more than she needed me, but the concern was all too genuine for me, and at times it became overwhelming. All I wanted was for my dear sweet Christina to be okay--to have everything return to normal where we could finally be together.

Each day I wrote to her diligently, and each day I kept a journal log of events as well, just to make sure she never missed out on a thing. Although at the same time I suppose that journal existed for the same reason this one does--to protect my own sanity, and to feel not so alone through such a dire experience.
With each reply I received from Christina--some good, some bad--I kept them all close to me every single day. I wouldn't go anywhere without them. Mail time became my favorite time of day, needless to say. The letters, my dog tags and stuffed wolf that she had given me all remained my constant companion, and all that I had left of her for the time being.

A couple of weeks into her time there, it came time for Christmas. I wasn't expecting very much, having been gloomy the entire time since she had left. Not a single emotion other than grief could be seen in my eyes, until I received one of her letters explaining to me that they were going to temporarily release her, for just two hours on Christmas day. I had been given the chance to see her again, to hold her once more, if only for two short hours. I remember being there when she emerged from that house. My face beamed for the first time since I had last seen her as I embraced her once more and we headed back to her house to celebrate.
The festivities went on, and she opened her gifts one by one with her family members present. I received nothing that morning, but I didn't need anything. She was my present. She was all I could possibly have asked for.
The two of us went off to be alone for a while as I held her close for the remainder of our time together, as awfully short as it felt. I couldn't hold myself back from weeping bitterly at her condition, having noticed it hadn't gotten any better since she left. I was also upset to once more have to let her go, but at least I got to see her off personally this time. For those two, fleeting hours, I was with her again. I was at peace.

Day after day I would write diligently, awaiting the day that she would gain the privilege of using the phone to call me. Much as I prayed and plead with God that she would recover, that she would at least be able to speak to me personally again instead of having to wait days on end for a letter to arrive. Unfortunately, it would be an entire month without her before she would even gain the privilege to actually call me, and when she finally did, I received terrible news: that she would be staying even longer than expected. As it turned out due to the severity of her condition and malnutrition, she had to stay an entire month longer. Needless to say, I was completely devastated. I immediately dropped the phone as soon as she hung up, collapsed down on the floor, and cried for hours. Some of you may think me completely pathetic for having done so, but to me she was everything, and to have to go an entire month without so much as the privilege to touch her once more, I was completely torn apart.

From then on I remember thinking to myself that I would never see her again--that things would never be the same between she and I; that she would never again return to her normal, happy, beautiful self. For days these thoughts plagued my mind, haunted my dreams and from then on I had constant nervous breakdowns throughout my time alone. I remember waking up trembling, and going to bed feeling the same. The feeling never did go away that entire time. I was empty. I was completely alone.

Finally my condition got bad enough that my nervous breakdowns started to become threats of suicide. Upon reporting this to one of my closest friends at the time, he immediately panicked and turned me in to my parents. When my parents learned of these threats, they immediately rushed me to the hospital's emergency room where I would spend the remainder of that night. I remember laying there in that bed, completely blank and emotionless. I didn't sleep a wink that entire night. The orderlies and nurses came to check up on me frequently, checking my blood pressure and giving me an IV (for lord knows what reason). Later that night I learned that I would be transported to a hospital about an hour or so north of where I lived, in Berkley. There I would stay for a little over a week.
The hospital wasn't entirely all that bad, really. The people were all rather welcoming and accepting, but then again I suppose that's what you could expect for a place that's supposed to keep suicidal and troubled adolescents out of trouble, right? I had gone through two different roommates during my time there. I suppose they weren't half bad folks, despite having ended up in a place like that. As the days passed I became more social, opening myself up to both the psychologists interviewing me, and the other patients around me. I made friends with a couple of them, but apparently upon my departure from that place neither of them really made any contact with me at all. I suppose that was alright, though. It would have only been awkward for us afterward I'm sure. The only thing I hated about that place was the way the psychologists behaved, and the things they gave us each night before bed. I was certain those weren't the same pills I had only been taking for dermatological use. Of course, after that I began to dabble in the field of psychology myself, no longer trusting the advise of others in the matter, as I knew they cared nothing for the solving of an issue--only for the perpetuation of others for the sake of income. But enough about my disdain for doctors and the pharmaceutical industry. I'll get into that another time if it so interests you as to why I hate them so.
After my stay at the hospital I learned I was going to another house. What they call a "halfway home" that was a bit closer to my home, in Fremont, though my stay there would not be so pleasant.
The house itself was alright I suppose. I had actually gotten a whole room to myself (for the first time in my whole life, might I add). The people there seemed nice at first, but honestly didn't seem at all like the crowd of people I would even begin to associate with. They were much meaner and more exclusive. Essentially, I was an outsider again. The only advantage to this being that I kicked their sorry asses in poker. The lesson plans and "activities" for each day seemed to grow stranger and stranger as the days went by--having little to nothing to do at all with anything pertaining to my issues. They were all about drug use and useless things like that that I wouldn't even begin to think of going toward. Of course, I told my parents about this and they felt that I no longer needed to stay there. I was finally removed from the house--apparently "against doctor's advice"-- and got to return home after just over two weeks of being away from home. It was nice to see my own bed again after all that time. Although not so nice to once again have to return to the reality wherein Christina was not a part of my life. She still had time yet before we could see each other again. I still had that bridge to cross.

I remember not feeling much different than I did before, save for perhaps a little bit better having been able to return to my journal writing and regular letter writing to Christina. Things continued for a few days longer and I had to attend a "follow up" appointment with another psychologist, whose only beneficial use to me was to write a note to my school allowing me to transfer to the school of my choice. The appointment was over, the letter was written, and I was finally in a position to make my move.
By this time it was late January to early February of 2010. I remember having finally received one of the single greatest letters I had ever received from Christina. She was going to move down to my area, and she was going to go to school at the school we had always wanted to go to. Better yet, she was going to be released in a matter of about a week to enter an out-patient program. She wasn't entirely free yet, but at least she would be able to come home again and only have to go there for a short time each day. It didn't matter to me, though, because I was going to be able to talk to her again--if only for short times a day in the morning before school. It wasn't much, but it was enough to keep my spirits up and keep me going. I remember being so happy just to hear that news, just to hear that she was getting better and that she wasn't going to have to live there anymore.

Eventually it came to be about mid February when Christina and I would finally be reunited after two of the longest, coldest, most terrible months of my young life. We got to spend Valentines Day together once again, and needless to say it was the happiest I had ever been. Just being able to hold her close again made me feel absolutely amazing.

If that wasn't enough good news for you, later on in about mid March I received news that I would finally be transferring to the school myself and Christina had been dreaming of. Yes, after having been robbed three times, harassed twice, and even threatened once, I was finally leaving that god-forsaken wasteland and heading to freedom. Our plan had finally worked, and I was finally rid of that horrible school and on to the school of my dreams--Westmont High School.

I remember my first day at Westmont as being one of the absolute happiest days of my life. I would be finishing the remainder of my school year there, and would become from then on a permanent student at the school until the day I would graduate.
I had several friends of mine at Westmont as well, so I was in much better company than I had previous been in. Several of my friends from the martial arts dojo I had been attending for several years were there, along with some new friends that I would eventually come to know, but I'll tell you more about them later. For now, I was the happiest sixteen year old in the world. I got to finish my school year at the school of my dreams, among many friends old and new alike, and I would be expecting Christina to move down to her new house within the coming Summer months. It had finally all worked out. Everything was perfect.

And on that happy little note I would like to end this entry, as I feel I've babbled to you enough for the time being. Rest assured though for those of you who care to know more, there is still more to this little tale of mine, and I will continue writing as soon as I get the chance to do so.
Stay tuned~