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I honestly don't even know if this is your email, nor if you'll ever receive this message, but I'm writing it more for me, than you. If you never get it, I'll just assume you read it and threw it away.

I still don't know what your problem is or why you randomly decided to block me on everything. Never received a response, and I don't really care anymore. It's been a month, and I'm over it now.

Well, OK. That's a lie, I do still get upset thinking about the friendship lost, because I'm not afraid to admit I have feelings and emotions. Therein lies the problem however, you won't ever admit to me that you do, and it's kind of annoying.

I waited after the first week to hear something from Chloe about why you suddenly and unexpectedly cut all ties with me, but I didn't hear anything. After week two, I expected an apology for you behaving irrationally, or atleast an explanation, but alas, it was all for naught.

The one thing I did hear was that when Chloe told you about my dad almost dying, you told her you didn't really care. That's when I realized our friendship was 100% over and I didn't really want anything to do with you anymore.

Do you want to know how I found out that you blocked me from everything? Chloe told me you posted on facebook about Hayley, about something concerning her health, so I went to check only to find that I couldn't see your posts on FB. I figured it was a fluke or you had deleted me due to inactivity or something, so I hopped on Skype to ask you what was up. You weren't online, yet you WERE online on Steam (on my phone) so I figured I'd wait until I got home so I could use a keyboard. When I got home, on steam PC, you were offline. On my phone, you were ONLINE. I asked Bast. Yep, you were online alright, and sure enough, you had blocked me.

I tried a trick I know with Skype -- and yep, blocked there too. 0 Explanations, just out of the blue blocked me on everything.

A few things I asked myself, was why you had done it. The only explanations I could come up with in my head was that A) It was because I had been busy with work and playing smite in my free time, thus not talking to you, but no, that'd be stupid, because you flat out ignore me and pretty much avoid skype when you start playing games like Eve or FF. So that'd make you a complete ******** hypocrite and a jackass.
B) was that you had s**t going on irl and you didn't want to be around anyone, (which I found out was untrue because you were still talking to Chloe)
C) It had something to do with Mina & Ayame, which at the time I thought was ridiculous, but now I'm finding out that it's true, looking at how chummy you are with them on FB. Gross.

This is me getting closure, however. This is my goodbye, because I never ever get a chance for it on the internet. Everyone is so quick to just cut ties and run away before they even have to consider talking things out, because that's work and running away like children is much easier.

I had hoped you had grown, and were willing to accept that you weren't a media stereotype of a male, an amorphous blob with no emotions or feelings who only existed to serve their basic primal needs, but no, you have again proven me wrong, and willfully accepted the media's brainwashing of you. I was expecting you to talk things out with me when you were upset, like a grown a** man who was comfortable with his feelings would, but you didn't. Instead, you ran away.

I expected you to atleast explain what was going on, if not outright apologize for behaving ridiculously, but nope, "Men" don't do that! We just club big animals and punch things! Admit we were wrong?! NEVER!!

Which is funny, because every time I've been wrong and our relationship suffered because of it, I apologized profusely and made a mental note to never let it happen again. I was fully willing to accept blame and admit my wrongdoing. Here, I had no idea what I've done wrong, and can't think of anything in the two weeks or so where I'd been incredibly busy with work, the podcast, and trying to fit gaming into the mix to possibly offend you. You'll never admit you were wrong, however, because the brainwashing was too thorough, and you won't be able to break free of the confines of the mental prison you've been placed in.

That revelation, that accusation, is something you can be mad at me for. I'd like to hope that you'd eventually break free and realize I was right all along, and change your entire perspective on a lot of things, and grow as a person, but I honestly feel that I'm hoping for far too much.

Hell, I still don't even know if this is the right email.

Worst case scenario, I gave you "fuel" to hate me, so that you can properly move on and appreciate the good times we did have. When you're old and alone, all you have are the memories. That's all anyone has, is their memories.

Best case scenario, this was a revelation and you'll suddenly and drastically change, having an epiphany, and maybe a few months down the line you'll be willing to talk about your feelings and what hurt you, and how we can better avoid that in the future. Become a more well rounded person, and less angry all the time. It's a lot more fun that way.

This was a lengthy email, and I apologize for that, but again, for all I know I'm sending this to an email account that doesn't even exist. Outlook wiped all my contact info when they merged MSN with Skype, so I'm S.O.L., and I just have to rely on guessing.

See you, space cowboy (Linked video of The real folk blues, Cowboy Bebop)

Part of me hoped you'd swallow your pride and apologize for freaking out for no reason, and blocking me from everything, or at the very least given me your explanation for it. I knew you wouldn't apologize, because you can't. That's fine. I figured you'd atleast tell me WHY.

Here's how it runs down --

You play FFXIV for a long time, making no effort to keep talking to me in the process (which I always do for you, I run my games windowed and make sure I can reply to you almost instantaneously) so I get annoyed, and decide to just keep playing SMITE. You don't message me at all during this time, and I figure you're just busy playing FF, because our last conversation was a friendly one, and I'm sucked up in the MOBA rabbit hole with Grim (duck).

Then Chloe tells me there's a facebook post about your daughter, whom I ******** care about because I care about you & your family, (like an idiot, apparently) and find out you deleted me from facebook. That leads to me finding you blocked me on steam, and skype. (I never block anyone, but w/e.) 0 explanation why.

All I hear from chloe is about how you, mina and ayame are talking s**t about me behind me, (especially ayame saying s**t like "Oh I never liked that kid anyways" which is total BS, she was riding my ******** d**k, she's just trying to act like she's hot s**t which REALLY pissed me off) which prompted the 1st email, because my feelings were hurt, and it turns out you're talking s**t to your 2 cronies about me, which pissed me off.

I meant everything I said in the 1st email (I could've probably been nicer about it, but why should I? Literally all you're doing is talking s**t about me, insulting me and etc. when I've been nothing but polite and civil about you, because I STILL DON'T KNOW WHY YOU ******** BLOCKED ME FROM EVERYTHING.)

I'm only sending this because

It's been 2 months, and it's pretty clear our friendship is over (which is a shitty way to end a 10yr friendship, but it's not my call to make. I honestly figured you'd die first, but that's me being naive)
The only thing that still bugs me about the way it ended is, you never told me why and I would atleast like an answer to that
Even after all the s**t you and your 2 cronies talked about me (which lets be honest, Mina is an idiot who gets by on her sex appeal, and ayame is your typical smalltown girl who can't grasp more complicated concepts than GAAAWWDDDD) I still want to be formal about the end of our friendship and say, damn we had a lot of fun together.



Nothing lasts forever, and ever since I was 15 I've always wondered how my relationships with my friends would end. This is probably the best possible way outside of one of us dying, honestly. You're mad, and I'm confused, instead of pure raw hatred (which you may have, I honestly don't ******** know AT ALL) which is the best possible outcome.


Also, don't think this is me trying to get nice and cuddly with you -- it's been 2 months, dude. It's pretty clear its over, and I've gotten through the process of grieving to acceptance, that "HEY MAN THIS SUCKS IT'S REALLY REAL, ********" even if we did try to be friends again, nothing would be the same between us. This is a colossal rift we've never had before, and it's done permanent damage. Letting our friendship die is the most civil thing that could possibly happen, I'd just like to ******** know what the catalyst was so I can move on with my life.

I sent you another email. I was typically avoiding FB (mostly because I know you blocked me and FB won't tell me when messages fail to send) but if you do get this, don't bother sending a response email, just reply to this message. I've waited long enough, and I don't really feel like sitting around waiting for an email that might never come, I'd rather just hear it raw. I deserve atleast that, I think.

1: I only said anything to Mina and Ayame -after- reading your email, since you flat out blamed them. Then went on a rant about how you're so great and I'm the bad guy. 2: I was actually about to contact you a month ago to talk it out, because that's how ******** long it took me to get my s**t together and stop stressing about Hayley, but then chloe said you emailed me. You sent it to my old a** email I never use (which is why it took so long) to read I read it. All that did was piss me off a lot more and reinforce my decision. 3: This new email is just as bad as the first. If your intent was to be civil. You failed. Another long winded write up about how you're the victim and that you somehow have the moral ground? 4: Insulted -you-? Really. Kinda like how you ditched me for that little urban monkey, that kind of insult? You chose that dirty, filthy little retard ****** over me? You removed me from what I considered my home online for her, because you you were crushing on it? And then you have the nerve to say I'm being manipulated by Mina and Ayame? ******** REALLY? Does it ******** look like either of them could ever manipulate me? You though? Sure did do everything niggerbug wanted, like a good little boy huh. This was a major turning point for me, but I kept my mouth shut, nodded and took it. 5:The final straw was when I had Hayleys operation coming up, I messaged you for ******** because I was freaking out to the extreme. The day of her operation? I was having anxiety attacks and vomiting like a p***y. And you just ******** ignored me. You were active on FB those days, you were on Skype those days. You ignored me when I needed you the most. That was the killer. More than anything else. 6: I actually didn't block you from Skype. I just stopped signing in after you ignored me. Again you'd know that if you ever read my FB. (or you can just ******** ask chloe how often I sign in. Spoilers: its never) I only ever got on to skype to talk to you, and to chat in the group. Without those I have literally 0 reason to sign in. As for the blocking on steam? I dont know what the ******** Bast is talking about. I had you -both- blocked for a while when I was modding. I didnt want to keep spamming you both with "Frost is playing such and such" every 2 minutes. I also went offline mode while playing FC4. I just didnt bother to unblock you after Hayleys operation, because honestly? I forgot. I had other s**t on my plate. 7: I removed you from my FB friend list, yeah. Using the same logic you used. "Oh he never talks to me here, I'll just remove him" Now, as for you thinking you "deserve this at least" No, you really don't. I don't owe you a damn thing considering the contents of both your emails and the above reasons. Lastly, what, you want me to apologize to -you-? For what? ******** you over for some girl? For not being there for you? for sending you 2 ego fueled emails? for dragging two people who had nothing to do with it into it? Sorry, you did these things not me. I have nothing to apologize to you for. I have -zero- inclination to mend this. Your emails clearly show that your grasp on reality is too broken. You're perspective is so far out of whack and you just dont "get it" In closing. After seeing how you view myself, how you perceive me, how you seem to think you're faultless, after seeing just how little you think of me? I don't trust you. I -cant- trust you.

Wow. It really was catbug. Are you ******** kidding me? Do you know why I removed you from that stupid a** ******** skype room? Also, your "online home"? wow. 1) you stopped chatting there completely UNLESS IT WAS TO INSULT CATBUG. That's it. You MADE EVERYONE IN THAT STUPID SKYPE CHAT INCREDIBLY ******** UNCOMFORTABLE, SO I KICKED YOU. I EVEN TOLD YOU I WAS GOING TO close it eventually, which I did. Also, I never said you were being manipulated by them. They're too ******** stupid to manipulate a pencil. I didn't ignore you, either. I'm active on FACEBOOK on my PHONE AT WORK. How would you know I'm active on skype if I wasn't messaging you? You don't. I always leave skype online, and it does the same thing steam does, where if i'm using the computer, it shows me as active, which I was, because I was playing smite. Also, I'm not a ******** facebook junkie like the rest of these cunts are, I post a few things and check when I get notifications because thats how people keep in touch with me, so I won't see your posts unless it's when I'm posting, or if someone tells me "HEY SOMETHINGS UP". Also, the ONLY message you sent me about hayley was, "she's breathing fine now, I think the doctors just want money" which when I saw, I was going to reply to, but you were offline. I think it's funny that you keep saying "you're playing the victim though" because I _am_ the victim, this time. You're apparently SUPER butthurt over catbug and a stupid skype chat (which doesn't exist anymore) and you never even told me it upset you. I'm not ******** psychic. Then you think I'm ignoring you, when all I did was play SMITE because I have s**t going on irl too. My dad is constantly in and out of the hospital and he could die any day now. Your response to that, was "I don't really care". I'm just in ******** shock right now, that this entire thing was because of catbug. H o l y ********. You say my grasp on reality is broken, but nope, you're the one who's living in ******** neverland, man. This is ******** depressing, I've admitted I was wrong in the past and I have apologized when I knew it was my fault -- but this time? nope. Well, I guess that's that, then. I -am- sorry for blowing up at you the way I did, because I should atleast respect people the way I want to be respected, and y'know what? Thank you for atleast answering me. I guess this is it, then. Later

Nah mate, the only person I made uncomfortable was catbug because I wouldn't play whipped like you. This is just you trying to cover and justify the c**t move you pulled, and everyone knows it. And niggerbug wasnt the only reason, as usual,, you just cherry picked that. You're a ******** dog, nothing more. Every time you respond, it just reinforces how ******** crazy you really are. You're trying so hard to spin it your way, but guess what? I just don't give a ********. You're a ******** nutjob. You can cry victim all day, and try and get me to think im being the a*****e, but no. Your opinion means -zero- you lost any meaning to me after that first email you sent. My final note. That s**t Ayame said about you being a stupid kid? I ******** laughed my a** off at that. Now kindly ******** off and let me live in my apparent neverland without having to listen to your psychotic drivel.

Wow, you're a ******** slimeball. Both you and your little attack dog. Didn't expect you to get chloe in on it. I thought you were at least man enough for that. Guess not huh. Well you can tell her that after all the times I had to sit there for hours listening to her complaining about you, ranting at me how shitty you were, how much of a mistake she made with was and me sitting there not taking side but trying to keep her from leaving your a**, trying to be a friend to both of you and she can't handle me venting on my own wall (not even mentioning names or asking for anyone to comment) because some small part of me still wanted to work things out? Because I'm ******** human and cant just turn s**t off like a robot? Well, ******** you both. I'm done.