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After the first month, I was pretty upset. I sent an email, and started the grieving process.

Hell, I'm thinking the email may have been part of it.

Actually, yeah, it was. I'll even list the 5 stages of loss here and comment on them.

1. Denial and Isolation

I think this was after the first two weeks. I'm pretty sure I just treated everything casually, like "nah it's not over..." but it really was. He kept saying things like "it's really over this time", and I just laughed, because he couldn't actually throw away our friendship for nothing.

2. Anger

This was around the time I sent email #1, I think. I was just so ******** angry at him, and I think part of email #2 fits into this, as well as bargaining. I just couldn't believe he was being so stupid, and I was so mad at him for this s**t, like how could he do this to me? How could he cut me off cold, for 1 month, and not even tell me why? What a ******** piece of s**t.

3. Bargaining

I think email #2 fits in here, just a "GOD WHY DID YOU DO THIS! We could fix this, etc, etc." but nah. This was probably the shortest step.. or I might still be going through it, but I don't think so. I'm pretty sure I'm passed it now.

4. Depression

This was the duration of post email #2, before we started talking on skype in earnest. Like, it hurt so much because it was over. I lost so much sleep.

5. Acceptance

This is where I'm at now. He won't apologize, and there's nothing to be done. I have to finally accept that it's over, and it's ******** hard as balls, but yeah, it's over. I've accepted it, I'm just still not happy with it. People grieve in their own ways, though.

We're two completely different people from who we were, and the only one to blame for that is time. We live in different worlds, and we have different families. We have different priorities, the lot. It's ridiculous. He's said a lot of things that he can't take back, and.. that's OK. It just further convinces me I'm making the right choice, because we can't get along anymore. I refuse to be chummy with someone who's this big of an a*****e, even for my "acquaintance" list. I have pretty strict guidelines, and flat out insulting me because of my gender and sexuality is grounds for "get fuuckeedd~" status.

I've posted the majority of what was said, and i'll probably end up posting the entire skype logs in this journal, just 'cus. Why not, right? A memory for me.