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I went into the bedroom to grab a charger for my phone, and chloe woke up. She stared at me, smiled, and then rolled over and went to sleep.

I think more than anything else, that hurt me the most.

Seeing a glimpse of what we used to have, being reminded of what I lost, it punched through my walls and got me right in the heart.

I've been trying to force myself to move on because I know chloe already is, and it hurts so ******** much. The constant fighting and stress we've been going through only helped me build up those walls, and it only helped with everything else, because it was easier to forget just how much I love her.

I don't know if Lilith intentionally had this happen as a reminder, or what.. but holy ******** it hurt. It hurt so bad, and I'm so sad.

Our life is getting easier, and we're getting more used to being separated, but seeing her smile at me as I came home.. that ******** knocked me back to square one.

I wish I could be what she wanted. I wish I could give her everything she needed. I wish... I just wish. I'm going to stare at my ceiling and wish.