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only reason I haven't crossed the point of no return, yet, despite desperately wanting to

I have no idea what 1:33 am means, I only know a lot of bad things happened in the fall around 1:30 am, but the actual signifcance of that time is lost on me

I know it can't be what I actually thought, so I don't know

well .. I know quite a few things, but I can't even ******** post those here anymore. : /

******** creepy internet people stalking me, laughing at how ******** stupid I am and all my s**t, and yeah whatever, I don't give a ********, it just pisses me off to know people would go out of their way to chase me down & get their kicks out of watching my internal struggle.

I made a decently believable story, though, so maybe they'll feel like the dumbasses for stalking me and laughing at me, because "no, it was a charade the whole time! YOU'RE the dumbasses!!" but then I got scared that someone I might care about might read it, so I ended up having to give up the game early, because man.. I don't want any civilians to get caught up in my war with these people whom I don't actually know -_-

So yeah, if you're someone I care about & you read that journal? well 1) what 2) The story was fake, there is no "secret lover erin".

Nope, just me, sitting here embarassed as ******** because like, 20 people apparently sat around just laughing and mocking me. Which... whatever. : I

s**t happens, then you die.

Me being single has been inherently bad though, things are starting to go off the chains.. my sphere of influence has increased drastically, and it's just getting bigger, and I'm not quite sure how to scale it back..which.. whatever, right?? except.. no, I don't want that.

I did learn from all this that I can be a semi convincing shitty fanfic writer, so I just need to do that, figure out a way to capitalize on it. Maybe I'll go write for bioware~~~ dohohoho~

I keep being told to not do things I might regret, so, here I am, in this dumb journal on this dumb site, making sure I don't. Venting my feelings instead of doing something stupid.