Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

Phone call from an old friend.

We've been mutually interested before, no strings, just "stress relief"

I'm sitting here like "ughhhh it's ******** almost 9am"

"I can pick you up in 5 minutes."

So, eh. I've never been with anyone but Chloe. I was thinking maybe just talk, vent our feelings to each other, that stuff.

So I get in her car, and ... hormones, I guess?? Like.. instantly there's this vibe of "oh god I need to stick my d**k in something right noooow" WHICH IS VERY WEIRD CONSIDERING I'M ASEXUAL SO UH YEAH

So we go back to her apt., I hang out on her couch, we start talking. I talk about Chloe, the breakup, etc. She tells me her work stress, people being dipshits, etc. She sits next to me, looks me dead in the eye, and WOOSH SUDDEN RUSH OF HORMONES AGAIN LIKE WHAT THE ACTUAL ********?

So I've never had any confidence in my sexual ability, like, whatever, I can get the job done, I'm not a virgin, buuuut I don't think I'm anywhere above "meh".. so I'm sitting there incredibly nervous, while hormones are taking over my brain. I kinda .. ok, I flat out tell her, "Uhhh I've only been with Chloe so I don't now how good I'll be..?" & She just kinda smirks, like.. "Don't talk about other women when you're about to ******** me, dingus." I'm like right, duh. TIME TO TURN OFF THE BRAIN.

So .. it goes from making out (which I'm certain I'm terrible at, but she seemed OK with it?) to just sex. We talked a little bit afterwards, she dropped me off, thanked me, blew me a kiss, "Call me if you wanna do that again~ ^_~" kinda thing, like yeah ok whatevs, AGAIN ASEXUAL GOING THROUGH SOME s**t SO... MOMENTARY LAPSE IN .. sexuality..?

ANYWAYS, I think that's all I needed. I feel .. better. My noodle isn't turning so crazily, everything seems on the level and balanced, it's all OK.

I don't know if I'll be able to do casual sex in the future due to attachments because I'm an insanely emotional person (cancer, duuuh) buuuuuuuuut this was nice, it helped a lot. Everything happens for a reason, and day by day I'm learning the reasons.