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Today is the day that I realized everything I do from this day forward will either make or break me. Everything I do should be calculated to making me into a better person. But is it? Should I just go with the flow like everyone else or pave my own way like my family tells me to? Would that be too hard? Would I be able to survive in that state of mind? Literally doing everything I have to do just for myself, even if it might be worthless in 20 years? I don't know. Only in my 20's and I'm already scared shitless of not making it in this world. I have yet to progress to actually taking a step to better myself. I don't quite know what to do, other than get to school, get a job. Then what? Do I talk to a priest? Why am I rambling on and on and on about this s**t? Is it because I might be a little over my head with all of this? Moving out of state, with a boy, well, man technically, he's older than I am. But none the less. What if I really can't make it? Do I keep moving around from state to state, trying to get myself back up the latter, ******** starting over every single ******** time? I just want to make it in this world, I don't want to, I have to. Cause if I don't, then what am I? Right? RIGHT? I don't want to not make it. I'd rather kill myself than never make it.