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A book with no title.

Community Member
Things are weird, I'm weird, life is weird. Am I a broken record yet? How is it that I'm no better now at figuring out where things are going than I was 10 years ago? Am I still a child? Am I still too much a romantic? Too lazy? Why am I still so surprised by the people in my life? Why am I still so surprised by myself? Why am I so bored!? Whatever it is I'm sick of it.

It's like I keep trying to find ways for life to be fulfilling, or interesting, or at the very least more than this repetitive go to work go home bullshit. But every time I do I find nothing except another impossibility. How do you cross that line? How do you find more in life than millions of people find every day? How do you beat the odds? I wish I knew the answer, I think I used to have it. Or at least I used to feel like I had it. A lot of failures has not tempered me, rather it's made me weaker, less confident. I've never felt as powerless as I do now. There is no longer a great tragedy, no longer a wall to climb, a difficulty to overcome; all that's left now is my own mediocrity and an intense desire that it not be real. Which begs the question, can I be more than I am? Can ANY of us be more than we are? Through sheer force of will can I overcome being this completely average person? I think the answer is yes, the problem isn't can I, the problem is will I? I think the "Force of will" is the missing component here.

I need something. Please.

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