Why does he have this power over me? I wish he would leave me alone. I should be able to be happy, but I can't because of him.
He ******** lied to me. You don't love someone who you can abandon so easily. Why did this come up? While searching through my school journal, I found an entry I made. Here:
He ******** lied to me. You don't love someone who you can abandon so easily. Why did this come up? While searching through my school journal, I found an entry I made. Here:
Monday, May 22, 2006. Day 3.
Period 2 -French.
I talked to Chance last night. No, I don't mean over AIM; The microphone thing. I was really stressed, so he turned on the microphone and talked to me (^_^ and I talked back). I was so nervous. I've never verbally held a conversation with him without you [Chris] or Kalira there. I told him about the party today before he turned the mic on, and while he was talking, he told me to have fun. I told him I had two issues with the party being until 7:00, and that one was homework. Later, I told him that my other issue was I wouldn't be able to talk to him until late. So, over the mic. he says, "Well, it doesn't really matter because I'm always going to be here. I'm never going to leave you." <3 Sure. He says stuff like that and then wonders why I love him. <3
Period 2 -French.
I talked to Chance last night. No, I don't mean over AIM; The microphone thing. I was really stressed, so he turned on the microphone and talked to me (^_^ and I talked back). I was so nervous. I've never verbally held a conversation with him without you [Chris] or Kalira there. I told him about the party today before he turned the mic on, and while he was talking, he told me to have fun. I told him I had two issues with the party being until 7:00, and that one was homework. Later, I told him that my other issue was I wouldn't be able to talk to him until late. So, over the mic. he says, "Well, it doesn't really matter because I'm always going to be here. I'm never going to leave you." <3 Sure. He says stuff like that and then wonders why I love him. <3
LIAR! LIAR! LIAR! You're NOT always going to be here for me! Actually, you know what? You never WERE there for me! You just needed me to kill some stress with, and whenever you thought I was going to leave, you pulled me back by being nice!
Here's another one. Sometimes I wish he knew how much I talked about him:
Here's another one. Sometimes I wish he knew how much I talked about him:
Tuesday, May 16, 2006, Day 5.
Period 4
I just finished a math test.
"Easy peasy pumpkin squeasy. Pumpkin pie, mother ********!" -Gerard ^_^
>>; Lookie the purrty boy. *pet, pet*
Morgan and I were talking about Gerard and Chance in gym. Her: "How are you going to marry Gerard if you're with Chance?"
Me: "I don't know."
Her: "Break up with him."
Me: "WHAT? Yeah, right. I meet him and it's like 'oh, you're married? What, kids?"
We were so lame. ^__^;; I'mma stick with Chance. I love him so much.
Wednesday, May 17th, 2006
While walking in the stairwell, Josey passed us (Becca and me). I pretended I didn't see him, but Becca said he was looking at me. Everytime I think I'm over him, he leaps back into my heart.
But Chance is still the love of my life. It was so funny. I played the orchestra concert back for him, and during "Conquistador!" his dad yelled at him for playing that "s**t" too loud. Then, during the quartet, he turned the volume up, and his dad got mad. All of a sudden, I see "LMAO my dad ran into my locked door". It was so funny. I've never heard of a dad or mom yelling at his or her kid for listening to classical music.
Period 4
I just finished a math test.
"Easy peasy pumpkin squeasy. Pumpkin pie, mother ********!" -Gerard ^_^
>>; Lookie the purrty boy. *pet, pet*
Morgan and I were talking about Gerard and Chance in gym. Her: "How are you going to marry Gerard if you're with Chance?"
Me: "I don't know."
Her: "Break up with him."
Me: "WHAT? Yeah, right. I meet him and it's like 'oh, you're married? What, kids?"
We were so lame. ^__^;; I'mma stick with Chance. I love him so much.
Wednesday, May 17th, 2006
While walking in the stairwell, Josey passed us (Becca and me). I pretended I didn't see him, but Becca said he was looking at me. Everytime I think I'm over him, he leaps back into my heart.
But Chance is still the love of my life. It was so funny. I played the orchestra concert back for him, and during "Conquistador!" his dad yelled at him for playing that "s**t" too loud. Then, during the quartet, he turned the volume up, and his dad got mad. All of a sudden, I see "LMAO my dad ran into my locked door". It was so funny. I've never heard of a dad or mom yelling at his or her kid for listening to classical music.
Then I flip through and I see a picture that I drew of the normal sad girl and a male. The guy is sitting down on the floor, and she's laying in front of him on her stomach, her arms around his waist and her head in his lap. He's got big white angel wings, and she's got black, frayed, feathered, torn wings. Guess who the guy is? Wow, that was hard.
Anyway, I'm going to end this rant with a poem that really fits with him right now.
Anyway, I'm going to end this rant with a poem that really fits with him right now.
Three Days
Three days from now,
Will you remember my name?
Will you remember my face?
Will you remember my age?
Right now you say you care,
Well, I'd like to see this in action.
Right now you say you love,
You don't even want my response.
What happens when you're sick of me?
When my mannerisms finally get the best of you,
And you can't take it anymore?
What happens when you ABANDON me?
When I want to cut my wrist open,
And cackle at the blood on the floor?
What happens when you HATE me?
When I'm so angry I hurt you,
And you want me to DIE?
Right now you say you care,
But those truths can turn to lies.
You said you'd never HURT me,
Then why didn't you TRY to catch me when I FELL?
Three days from now,
Will you remember my name?
---
Three days from now,
Will you remember my name?
Will you remember my face?
Will you remember my age?
Right now you say you care,
Well, I'd like to see this in action.
Right now you say you love,
You don't even want my response.
What happens when you're sick of me?
When my mannerisms finally get the best of you,
And you can't take it anymore?
What happens when you ABANDON me?
When I want to cut my wrist open,
And cackle at the blood on the floor?
What happens when you HATE me?
When I'm so angry I hurt you,
And you want me to DIE?
Right now you say you care,
But those truths can turn to lies.
You said you'd never HURT me,
Then why didn't you TRY to catch me when I FELL?
Three days from now,
Will you remember my name?
---
I love you, Josey, with all of my heart.
[--Evera-+-Dalinge-/-Amann--]
