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Hello sadness. Hello aching in my heart which my body can't deny, sweet pain which lets me know I'm alive. Life, in all of its horrible beauty, I wish you could be quiet. I've come to hate my heart. It leads me in directions that I don't understand the purpose, often times into the brick wall of impossibility. I suppose one could say that it is the unpredictibility of the heart that keeps life in constant fluctuation, ever changing and ever present. The heart is a compass for times when sight simply won't do. But what happens when the needle is off? What happens when the polarity is reversed? I find I want exactly what I can't have.
I'm on the brink of something wonderful here. I see so many beautiful, amazing things in him; the world, the stars, the echo of an emotion I've tried to deny. But theres a glass between us. A window. I'm looking in, hands on the glass, breath fogging its perfect barrier, wanting to be just that much closer to the one thats meant the most to me. I want to be important to you. I want to be the one in your heart. The one that changes everything and makes you belive in something profound again. I've found so much in you. I stay cold and quiet, while wrapping myself around you, keeping you safe from the things I didn't want you to feel.
What is it about you? That intangible, dismal beauty that I could never find in another. Perhaps its exactly because I could never have you that I am punished with these feelings. Maybe we were never meant to be. Maybe all I have is in my head. The words...Your words. I thought they were real, but who knows with you. Everything is smoke and mirrors and shadow.
And all I have is secrets. Punishing words that crush me from the inside and make my heart ache for something it was never meant to have. Something lovely.
I could never leave your side though. I'll hear about all of the ones you've chosen over me, and god knows it'll hurt.
But you know I'd never leave.
I promise.
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![.-=[P u r p l e]=-.](https://a1cdn.gaiaonline.com/dress-up/avatar/ava/8d/ac/7dbd592e7ac8d.png?t=1190874258_5.00_00 ".-=[P u r p l e]=-.")
Community Member
Cherishing someone so is always a pain inside one's very own existence, but holding onto it, onto the person, is what feeds a life, what breeds art...
And what lets free reighn to the mind and heart.
If you wish to hide such feelings from said person, it's up to you to let the sweet hurt flow through you and into things, impreganting beauty into every line, or maybe dim them down with the grace of sorrow, or even drown them out and think you've killed such emotions 'till you might very well forsake them.
It's all part of everything, such moments even when they felt so secretive and aflicted, are one of the best as you follow these steps... Or finally get to mouth the words to that one being who haunts you.
Yet the reaction in answer will be always mostly feared to the point of being terrified to ever say a thing.
Cherish every moment as the last, dear miss Mary.