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SPECAIL POST!!!!! soul searching
even though i am fairly young in life i know what i was put on this earth for, the helping of people... as i think about it more it all makes sense, i only care when i feel like i should care, nomatter what it is.. all of my friends have a secret dark life which they think i have no clue of, but i knew when first meeting them... I am constantly in my "happy" mood even though mostly its fake... no one especailly one with the crap i've been through can have a happy life. i can easily see through people and use that to at least try to make them happy... even if it ends up makeing me look like the jerk... I guess i'm a contridicting person, as i said in an earlier journal, i hate humans... but yet i still want to help them go through their misrible existance a little less painfully. Its funny cuz i know about 99% of my friends think i live in some happy world full of silly innocence but little do they know. i wish i could tell them about the many times i was on the brink of suicide or just wanted to kill every single person i knew.... i'm half crazy i admit. but i dont, i set my problems aside to make their lives a bit happier but then they wonder why i get pissed at them every once in awhile.... kindness does not fall outta my a**.... it runs out and when it does... fear, cuz i dont have to hit to cause pain.. but anyways, even though i kinda ran off the track, thats kinda my lifelong journey, to help the human race even though i really cant stand it. the irony...
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