Everyday this pain inside of me builds.. I don't know what I'm supposed to do anymore.. All I know is that I don't think I can take much more of this.. It hurts so much.. To see them laughing, and joking.. I can't even joke around with them anymore.. I'm scared of losing him.. Losing my someone just for me.. But what if, I'm not the person just for him..? He may be the person for me, but I might not be that person for him. I'm scared of getting hurt even more.. Scared of him choosing her.. I don't think I will be able to handle it if they get together.. But I will have to try if it happens.. I remember when I found out he first liked me. It was so sweet. He said there was something special about me.. And I'd always thought there was something special about him.. Even though I wasn't sure what, I now know what that is.. He's the only one for me.. But.. If I'm not his special person.. Then I guess that means there's nothing special about me.. Nothing that he could ever love that way.. I feel all my dreams, hopes, and my future going down the drain. I'm scared, sad, upset, hurt, and in love all at the same time. Despite the pain, my heart glows when I think about him. I feel really warm inside, and nervous at the same time. He still makes me very happy, but I'm so scared of losing him.. I love him so much, I don't know what to do.. I feel really selfish, because I hope we can be together forever.. But.. More importantly, I want him to be happy.. Maybe then I can be happy too.. He's like my male counterpart, whenever he's happy, I usually am too.. Our emotions are very tightly locked together, and we're very similar.. If we don't stay together.. I suppose my belief in relationships will kinda be ruined for good.. He's the only person I've ever loved this way.. I just wish we could.. Be together.. Laugh, have fun, joke, smile.. Cuddle.. All the things we used to do.. It seems so distant..
~Arie.
Edit: Well.. I went through the worst pain in the world. Josh thought he was in love with her, and I didn't know what I'd do.. But then.. He thought about who he couldn't imagine living without.. And eventually we got back together.. But now he's hurting majorly.. And I wish I could comfort him.. I'll update again later depending on what happens..
 TwilightNocturne · Tue Mar 22, 2005 @ 08:42pm · 0 Comments |
