So much has changed in the past five years. Reading these journal entries is both painful and hilarious. There's so much secondhand embarrassment that I wonder how I managed to function as a teenager.
My worldview is so different. I'm not so judgmental. I don't get up in arms much, unless someone's livelihood or well-being is at stake. There's so much more out there in the world to enjoy rather than to be bitter and hateful. I've gotten to know so many awesome, amazing people on this website and abroad, and that's really broadened my horizons. What good is it to lambast others for their choices? What progress do I make by harping on someone's lifestyle? Action is what matters, something that I learned from the God I call my own.
He's taught me a lot in these past four years. I see now just how bitter and outraged I was. Don't get me wrong -- I get outraged now, just for different reasons. I have a calm that I didn't realize I had until I started rereading all of these. I'm so much more focused on the positive, and I think I have my church to thank for that. There's such a different mindset once you become a Christian and really start walking down that path. He really puts your mind on what matters most in life, and how things like your job, your grades, even other people, are not enough to give you peace and contentment.
Finals week is here, and oddly, while part of me is dying a little more on the inside (curse you, genetics), there's another part of me, a very graceful part of me, that has been softening my worries. I've never been more grateful than here, when I'm nearly broke, with little to my name, yet so many who love me. It's an honor and a privilege, something I don't think I would have ventured to do had I not the courage God gave me.
Anyways, that's my two cents. I just thought I'd share.
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