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it happened. he dumped me. i knew it would. all his freinds were telling me not to date him. they just said he would get bored with me they didnt tell me that he would get bored bc he still loved an ex gf. if they would have told me tha i would have been less likely to date him.

now here i am listening to the bands he likes(blink 182 and bass hunter mostly) and songs that remind me of him. (red light by david neil, so close so far by hoobastank, undo it by carrie underwood) this is so insane. i just cant stop thinking about him. everything reminds me of him. random dumb things like the airplanes painted on the road or even my fadora.

i keep crying which is insane bc i never cry. and here i am crying every other day almost. i just cant believe he left me for her. she treated him like s**t from everything ive heard about he. his mother doesnt like her. his sister doesnt like her. his grandmother doesnt like her. why???? she has to be having sex with him. its the only thing i can think of that might explain it.

i just keep thinking that he was talking to her and hanging out with her while we were still dating. it makes me shudder.

i saw him walk up to a party of a mutual friend with her. that b***h that stole my guy. he had no shirt on and her shirt was hitched up. i started getting sick. i felt terrible within a second of seeing them. earlier i had that it was bad when i saw him at a distance when i was at the graduation. it hurt like someone had punched my heart and stomache at the same time. seeing him close up shirtless with her. i just wanted to go into the futile postion.

what is so great about her anyway? whats so bad about me that boys just run from me into another girls arms?

i just want to be over him already but that takes time.

i guess i should be happy that this is the first night ive had a good dream and not a nightmare in almost three weeks(i think two weeks and six days). the first night was the worst. the day he broke up with me i had a dream that night that we were still together. i woke up started to grab my phone to see if he had texted me then realized we were broke up and all the wonderfull things had just been a dream. ive had two dreams since then about him. one where he just basicly ignored me and treated me like crap. the other he was dating her and ignoring me. it hurts...

i miss him....i hate that i do......i love him and i hate that i do that too.

crying

i was just heart broken at first. then a week or so later he and her were in a relationship on facebook. thats when i got pissed. i thought that that would help with the pain. usually if your pissed it pushes most of the pain away but this time im like 65% pain 35% anger.

i thought he was so perfect for me. i even liked his family and his best friend and some of his other friends. i love his momma. i miss her too.

i still cry everytime i think that i wont kiss him anymore or hear him tell me he loves me.

im crying right now. they say crying is good for you. that it lets the pain out and then you dont have as much pain in you. i think they were wonrg or maybe i just have unending pain.

i guess pain cant be unending .

there has to be an end or i might go insane.

i wanna kick he a** scream

i wanna kick his then kiss him neutral

cry

i dont understand guys. they make no sense. athey are so flighty and they say we are the flighty ones. if we are they flighty ones why is it that in most relationships its the guy that breaks up with the girl?

i guess i should also be happy that the last couple of nights i havent woken up a ton of times. also i havent been quite as sick feeling eating in the morning. though i still am not hungry almost ever.

i feel better now that ive sadi all this even though i doubt anyone will read it. i feel like i cant tell anybody. all the ppl im really close to havent ever dated so they wont have any idea how i feel. they ppl that might understand i dont feel 100% comfortable telling them.

i still miss his mom though. how odd is that? how random?

i miss taking naps with him.

i miss kissing him.

i miss texting him all day.

i miss the sound of his voice. his laughter.

i miss the feel of his arms around me.

i miss all the bad things he did.

i miss his smell.

i miss his humor.

i miss everything about him.

i miss him.