• I see you have returned. I am quite sure you shall not be disappointed. LET THE GAMES BEGIN!

    -all my friends' names have been changed to protect privacy-

    (o.o) Episode One, Chapter two: Perverts and Crotch-Kicks (o.o)

    It was a bright, beautiful October morning. The sun was shining, the sky was clear and blue, the birds were chirping, squirrels, woodchucks and the whatnot were scurrying around...it was a scene right out of a Disney movie...and Andrew was pissed. Why? He was walking to school. Why was he walking? Because according to state legislature, a student had to live more than a quarter-mile from the school to necessitate bus pick-up. Andrew lived exactly...exactly... point twenty-four miles from his high school. Not quite far enough. School board bastards. So he walked. What did he do whilst walking? He thought. About stuff. What kind of stuff? Stuff stuff. Y'know. Stuffish things.

    Because he was so deep in thought, he didn't notice the bright yellow moped headed fight for him. From the front. With the headlights on and the horn blowin'. So it hit him. Yup. Ran his not-paying-attention-y a** over...alright, alright, I'll go into detail...gore loving morons...The front wheel rammed directly into his face, with the still-spinning wheel scraping off flesh and sending flecks of blood flying. The impact dented his skull, making a sickening crack/thud noise. Imagine hitting a box full of tomatoes with a wrecking ball. Pretty close. The impact knocked the breath out of his lungs...well duh. It nearly knocked the life out of his being. And then...he was normal. No blood. No brain damage. He twitched and tried to move, but out of nowhere, a pair of hands far too soft to be a man's grabbed the sides of his face as he felt someone's lips press against his. He immediately stopped trying to move. He had seen this kind of thing in an anime. Just go with the flow...

    -First base! Wootness!-

    Whoever it was blew air into his mouth and did the CPR stuff. After a few minutes of this, she (he knew it was a girl because he opened his eyes for an instant and saw boobehs. Nice ones, at that) backed away stood up, and spoke.

    "I know you're awake."

    -Oh snap. Party's over- "Yeah, I'm awake. Just enjoying the moment, is all." -Whoopsie, bad move.-

    This didn't seem to please her.

    "You little pervert. This is my thanks for saving your life?" she snapped

    "Saving my LIFE? You ran my a** over! ARE YOU DRUNK, WOMAN!? Besides, I'm not the pervert. I'm almost positive I felt a little tongue from you..." -Damn. 'Nother bad move.-

    Andrew heard a growl from the girl and saw a demonic glint in her eye. She struck out of nowhere, bashing Andrew on the side of the head with her guitar and bellowing "FOOOOOOOOOLYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!" The impact sent Andrew flying towards the local park, where he crashed into that spinny thingy intended to make small children throw up. He groaned again -does that a lot, dunnee?- and looked up in time to see the woman swing again. "COOOOOOOOLYYYYYYYYYYYY!!" This blow was twice as powerful, as Andrew went flying off into the sky. He somehow rotated his body to face the woman. Andrew stuck his tongue out and blew a raspberry at her. "WHORE!"

    She flipped him off, and said something about his mother and Communists.

    LATER

    Andrew's eyes flickered open. He saw white. -Oh god, am I dead...? No...that white is too artificial to be from the afterlife...I'm in the nurse's office.- He opened his eyes fully and looked around...and fell on another teenager. Medium height, about 120 pounds. Short, spiky brown hair. Bradan.

    -Oh joy. Just who I wanna see after being unconscious for Merlin-knows-how long...he'll prolly make some crack about partying too hard...-

    "Party a bit too hard last night eh? Little bit 'o' drinky-drinky, wot? Little bit of crack? A prostitute or two? or three? five? Heh heh." Bradan snickered at him.

    "Nrrrrrgggggghaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnnnnek." Andrew made a noise that sounded rather like a phlegmmy jaguar. "How long have I been out?"

    Bradan snickered. "You have been drinking. Your internal clock's out of whack."

    "Shut the hell up..."

    "Fine...always gotta suck the fun outta everything, don't ya?...school started ten minutes ago. C'mon, we've got quote unquote Enrichment Block."

    "Oh god no...the old codger..."

    "Naw, we've got a sub. Everyone else is talking about how hot she is."

    This was...motivating. "Hot damn. Let's go then."

    Andrew shambled off of the bed/cot thing and he and Bradan traversed the hallways. After about a minute, an announcement came over the loudspeakers. Because of the craptacular sound quality (that or the concussion), Andrew couldn't make out most of it. But he did manage to hear a smidgen of it.

    "khhhhhht...stated in khhhhhhhtdent handkhht, page kht, sectkhhhhhhhhtgraph A-3, khhhhhhhhhhhht...also...khhhhhhht...be no Fooly-ing or Cooly-ing in thekhhhhhhhhhhhhtschool grounds for that matter..."

    Andrew's eyes widened as he heard that word. Fooly...Cooly? That's what the woman cried out as she swung at him.

    "What did they just say?"

    "Hm? They said no sexual conduct in the hallways or anywhere on the grounds, why do y - ohhhhhhhhh. I know why you're upset. No more fun time with Alexandriaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!"

    "Stuff it! Do you enjoy having balls, sir?"

    "Pssh. Like you'd do anything about it." Bradan snickered again.

    "My boot begs to differ!"

    With that Andrew delivered a mighty crotch kick of superhuman strength and accuracy to Bradan, causing him to drop to his knees, moaning, "Dirty blow, dirty blow, dirty blow...b***h...b***h...b***h..."

    -Weird. I'm sure I heard Fooly Cooly, but Bradan says they said sexual conduct...-