• "You make faces when you read," He says quietly.
    I looked up from my book. "What?"
    "When you read. You make faces." He gestures haltingly at His own face, moving in those familiar jerks.
    "Oh." I turn back to my book, then look up at him again. "Is that a bad thing...?"
    "No, no - not at all. I just... never noticed. Before."
    I don't answer, trying to find my place in my book.
    "I love you," He says.
    I gaze at my husband. I wonder if he knows... "I love you, too."

    __________________________

    I love you.
    Love you, too.
    Those three little words... they're just words again. Just words that fall from my tongue automatically when he says it now. Just words. Like they weren't an emotion a half year ago.
    Just empty words falling on my ears, although they're not empty on His end.
    I don't feel for him anymore.
    Almost like I never did...

    I promised myself I wouldn't ever do this.
    But then...
    The words faded.

    ___________________________

    "Hey, hon," says Broderick.
    My stomach leaps. I look up from my paperwork in my corner office.
    "Hi," I whisper, smiling.
    As always, he kisses my cheek.
    As always, I feel that little lurch in my stomach, that little jump where guilt overwhelms me and I think of Him.

    Broderick takes me home. My husband doesn't get home till eight on weekdays, and he always takes me home.
    As always, we make love.
    And as always, I feel guilty because this is the bed I share with HIm.
    Broderick leaves.
    I shower.
    He comes home, and I don't have dinner waiting for Him.
    He kisses me but I don't feel anything.
    I don't respond to His lips.
    It feels wrong to kiss Him immediately after I -
    I have to force the thought away.
    My husband falls asleep watching a movie on the couch.
    I cut up the sheets with scissors and cry.
    I want to feel again.

    _________________________________

    I buy new, clean white sheets at the store after calling in "sick" to work.
    Six-hundred thread count sheets.
    Nice sheets.

    I buy a sky-blue nightgown. His favorite color on me...

    I make dinner. I make pasta with pesto sauce. I make apple pie and make sure I have vanilla icecream.

    My cellphone rings.
    Broderick.
    I open my phone and stare at his name.
    Then I push ignore.
    I erase his number as my husband walks in.

    He pulls me into His lap and we feed each other.
    Apple pie and vanilla icecream.
    Pasta can wait.
    We need something sweet right now.

    He pulls me into our bedroom.
    We make love.
    My phone rings but we ignore it.
    And I feel.
    I'm lost in him and I whisper his name.



    "Matty."