• Winston Checkworth in:
    The Mystery of the Stolen Mummy

    Winston Checkworth sank into the plush cushioning of his leather lounger and let the hardships of the day pour out of him in a great, gusty sigh.
    "Well here we are, old bean. I do believe now would be a good time for a smoke."
    Checkworth lit his pipe and drew deeply, savoring the taste of the good tobacco. As he exhaled the smoke, the grandfather clock in the corner chimed midnight.
    "I do believe this is the smokiest you've ever been, old girl," said Winston to his pipe.

    Just then, a Vampire jumped from the ceiling!
    "Gadzooks," yelped Winston! "An attacking Vampire!"
    The vampire hissed, extending its fangs, and then lunged forward. Winston threw his arms over his head, accepting his fate.

    He waited for the imminent attack.

    It was sure to happen.

    He opened his eyes. Nothing.

    Winston exhaled quickly, a shuddery sigh of relief.
    "Must've just been a trick of the light," said Winston, eying a suspicious looking peanut butter cup under his desk lamp.

    Suddenly, Big Gay Dumbledore burst through the door, "Winston, old Chap! I've terrible news!"
    Winston screamed furiously and threw a spell tome at Dumbledore's head, killing him instantly.

    "... Well, I can't just let this go to waste."

    Winston started using Dumbledore's corpse. After some time, Harry Potter climbed out of dead Dumbledore's spacious a**s.
    Harry cleaned his glasses and looked around the room.
    "Hey, thanks for letting me out of there. Also, JESUS CHRIST! That's the smokiest pipe I've ever spotted!"
    "Crumpets," agreed British Winston.
    Harry nodded thoughtfully. "Well spoken, Lord Checkworth. Anything I can do to repay you?"

    Winston thought for several minutes, then started to chuckle ruefully.
    "If you put your Ben Franklin in my pocketbook, I might let ya' off the hook."
    Harry Potter sighed, and dejectedly gave Winston a hundred dollar bill.
    Winston began laughing hysterically, "YOU NEVER SHOULD TRUST A WIZARD, HARRY! THEY SHOULD'VE TAUGHT YOU THAT IN YOUR FANCY LAW SCHOOL!"
    "But Master Checkworth, I'm a Wizard too."
    Checkworth violently rammed Harry back into Dumbledore.
    "You won't trick me that easily, Lawyer!"

    Then a meteor hits Winston Checkworth's house, killing everybody inside. Except for Checkworth.
    He climbed out of the wreckage, dusting himself off.
    "Whew, that was close! I must be the luckiest man alive!"
    Winston Checkworth explodes.