Silence Is Golden.

• Artist: Captain Khaos
• Description: A trip to what we thought might be "Heaven".
  
  This is just the Introduction to a series of two novels I've written.
• Date: 07/06/2009
• Tags: silence golden

The wind blew, carrying the sweet sound of phonetic notes only to kill all sense to listen. The siren went off, though everyone couldn't be more still. If you listened close enough, You could hear the cracking in everyones' spine from their joints collapsing. Clouds were lowering endlessly, and oxygen was no longer infinite. Everyones' eyes flipped open, only for their eyeballs to fall out in astonishment. This is what everyone was waiting for? I couldn't help but think as my feet were more than plastered into this concrete state we were all in. It was negative 20 and we were all freezing to death, is this what God wanted for all of us? As everyone's xerox skin cracked, blood rushed out like a leaking damn. Little whispers surrounded us but there was no way of knowing what they said..

Comments

[Captain Khaos]

The eyeballs falling out was a metaphor, trust me, i know they're attached, and also yes it does need another edit. ^_^
But thank you for your input it was very generous.

[daire oakenbrand]

oh, on retrospect, "their own joints collapsing" is a little awkward... i love the "clouds were lowering...no longer infinite." that's an EXCELLENT sentence there... and i don't think your eyeballs can fall out. they're attached somehow. and the "my feet WHERE plastered" needs correcting. i like the part about -20 and on to the end though...it's quite a start.

[daire oakenbrand]

wow. a little weird in the subject matter (this is my opinion here), but pretty good writing.

[Jondalar Mitsuda]

Damn! What's your series called? This is the best writing I've seen on the internet. How old are you?

[Sugar_Cream_Kitty]

This is good