• PART 1
    ________________

    All the city lights are shining through me like ether that numbs my body.

    Blond hair - much too yellow to be anything else - seemed to reflect the neon that was emitted off of the signs. It was really bugging her at this point; she hated all of it. But she couldn't seem to drag herself away. Without all of these neon lights, she wouldn't know where to go, and she hated not knowing where to go. In fact, she hated doing many things by herself.


    Can't sleep at 2 AM, everything is changing too quickly.

    Perhaps it was good that her tiredness pushed her to her destination. She swore
    she heard two bells in the distance, from a nearby church, but she was walking
    away and barely cared at that point - barely cared about the time.


    Oil is out in my lighter, a burning feeling in my stomach.

    "Hey, can I get some over here?"
    "Pass that over here, will ya."
    "I'm almost out! Here's a few."

    She sat with the lighter in her hand, listening to the babbling and demanding
    of the other people near her. The barrel fire kept burning high, refusing to let down in the wind.

    Inhale, exhale.

    She choked the first few times, but she liked that choking now. The choking was followed by relaxation, always. Sure, her heart beat faster than anyone's should, and her stomach churned as both a reaction and in hunger, but her mind was at ease.


    If everything were such a lie, everything would be better and easier.

    Her heart kept beating as she kept walking through the crowded streets, hands
    in her pockets. Her eyes kept down as she dreaded her destination this time.
    She didn't have any kids or husband, her job was the worst. But at least it
    paid well. However, that "ease spot" and her worn-down apartment were the only
    two places worth staying.


    In broken dreams...

    She remembered.

    Her dream outfit as a little girl was one that was almost out of a sci-fi show. She always wanted to be some kind of supergirl - find some kind of nuclear reactor and get super powers from it. She could go around, save cats, save people, not need a job or at least have a fake one to keep herself occupied.

    A dress down to her mid-thighs, black-and-white, split right down the middle.
    Almost as if it were plastic.
    A huge collar for her shoulders, also split down the middle in color, but the colors were opposite from the dress.
    Gloves.
    Boots.
    Maybe a bow on her head, and on her chest.

    She always dreamt about this outfit.


    ...My hands are clenching around your throat.
    Early afternoon, full of light.

    She remembered.

    Her first heroic attempt wasn't too out-of-the-ordinary.
    The memory was still there, as if she had been swatting a fly of an endangered species instead.

    About age of 17.
    A figure blurring down the street.
    A cry.
    Gasping.
    The figure approaching, uncaring of her.
    Her yells.
    Her hands around his throat, the figure falling.
    The ring of people around her.
    The unconscious figure, though it was breathing.


    Your throat jumps under my hands.

    She remembered.

    The girl gasped, looking up at the people staring. Some were shocked, some were ready to walk out and congratulate her, some were dialing on their phones.

    But the man didn't move.
    She didn't know whether he was breathing again.


    My eyes are blurred with tears.

    She remembered.

    She ran off into the crowd.


    ____________

    PART TWO
    ____________

    She remembered.


    On the other side of the balcony
    Sounds of footsteps climbing up the stairs.

    Bright blue eyes looked out the window.


    The clouding sky falls into the room
    through the window panes.

    The woman stood up, quickly making her way out of the room. It felt like a few seconds that the woman was quickly climbing the stairs, making her way to the roof. She quickly burst out the door to the roof.

    A figure stood there.


    Scattered twilight rays,
    the sun like a swollen red eye.
    Bit by bit, dissolving,
    Little by little, like the world is dying.

    Perhaps it was just her, but everything seemed peaceful.
    It was as if they were meeting again, after a long absence.
    Two familiar friends.

    A small figure stood by the fence, staring out into the distance. It seemed young, maybe around 8 or 9, wearing a white dress. After a few seconds, as if it had finally noticed the woman's figure, it turned towards the woman.

    Blond hair - too yellow to be anything else - reflected the red dusk. Blue eyes stared at her.

    The woman swallowed, staying silent.

    Was the girl really...?


    But she had always hated herself.

    I dreamed of clasping my hands 'round your neck,
    Under curtains swaying in the breeze.
    The words overflow from your
    pale, dry lips like bubbles.





    "I want to fly."


    The woman stood in shock, staring as the girl turned around, climbing up on top of the fence, crouching down.

    For some reason the girl kept speaking, as if she were a robot, or a show, or writing a memoir or prose or poem.

    For some reason, the woman didn't stop her.


    "Surrounded by a beautiful blue light."

    "All of the things I have done would be let go."

    "The memories could melt down to white."

    "I feel that I could sleep well like I did so long ago."


    The girl slowly rose, the setting sun's rays shining behind her.


    "A morning without me would be much more wonderful than now...
    Everything would be in gear."


    The girl fell back, the woman running over to her in an attempt to grab her.




    "I want to fly."




    The woman's hand reached out to the seemingly-floating, thin hands of the girl.

    Missing.

    Sun sets.
    The girl's cry like a song.

    "Ah...!"

    The figure floating in the air.
    The figure falling in the air.
    The figure falling to the ground.

    Two figures falling to the ground.

    Allegro, agitate.
    Ringing in my ears, don't stop.

    The cry fading out.
    The sun setting.
    Ground moving further away.

    Neither of them landing.


    allegro, agitate


    The girl's figure surrounded by blue rays, if even for a second.
    Everything else darkening.
    The cry echoing in her mind.



    ringing in my ears...


    don't stop







    The second hand of the clock

    Television officials on TV

    Are both still there, laughter detached from people not there

    All echoing in my mind







    In dreams, everyone is disappearing
    Midnight, emptiness and silence in the night
    Weighing on me
    I can't breathe


    SHOUT


    The woman woke up, panting. After sitting for a minute, she finally noticed her sore throat. Had she been yelling? She didn't care. She shifted, realizing she had fallen asleep on her couch. It took her a while to finally adjust again to her surroundings, the sights and sounds barely there. With a groan, her eyes wandered to a reset alarm clock, going off, set at 12:02 AM. With a sigh, she stood up, her eyes squinting from the bright television that was still on.

    A sweat drop fell from her face as she mindlessly wiped it away, looking out the window. although it was obviously late night, she didn't know what time it was. Until bell rang. <i>Dong.</i> She sighed and fumbled her hands to set the clock to 1:00 AM.

    The television was set to a re-run of a game show she didn't necessarily like. She shut off the television, sighing in the darkness again. As she settled on the couch, her mind ran back to the dream.

    The dream was always the same.
    Broken and confusing.
    But it wasn't until tonight that she had fallen too.

    And then she realized how much she hated herself again.

    Why did she have to save everyone instead of herself?
    Why did she let all this happen to herself?
    Why didn't she realize she could have done this a long, long time ago?
    Why didn't she go back, try to fix the mistakes she had made?

    Why was she so immature to realize?



    Maybe tonight, she could fall again.



    I believe the perfect world is possible...
    ________
    Thank you for watching.