• CHAPTER 118 - ABSENCE OF THOUGHT

    It sucks; every time something goes awry in my head, I go nuts after that. I suck myself into a vegetative state of mind. I'm scared.

    It seemed as though, when Kai and I were sleeping, we switched our positions. I was sprawled on my back and Kai's tired head was reposed on my chest. My right hand was cupping the back of his neck and my other hand was tangled in his hair, holding his head close to me. Kai's arms were wrapped limply around my waist and he was lying against my side, breathing evenly and deeply in his slumber just as I had opened my eyes. He had crawled under the covers with me and, despite how cold he was, I was almost sweating.

    I sighed deeply and apparently too loudly; Kai sighed as well and stroked my waist with one of his thumbs, "You're awake?" He whispered.

    "Yes, but you shouldn't be," I mumbled almost in monotone; the nightglare was still freaking me out.

    "You still don't want to talk about it, do you?" he held me a little tighter.

    I shook my head, "Not now,"

    "I won't push you,"

    "I'm just scared," I whispered. "I'm so scared..."

    After listening to my heart for another moment, Kai lifted his head and glanced up at me. He moved himself up a little so he could make direct eye contact with me and, while keeping one arm around the back of my waist, he pushed some hair behind my ear with his other hand. His thumb stroked my right cheek bone gently and he stared at me halfway with sympathy and halfway in apathy.

    "I'm sorry," he leaned in and pecked my forehead. "I'm so sorry..."

    I shook my head, "No, shut up, don't apologize," I sighed. "We've been through this."

    "I've told you a million times before, but I can't bear to lose you," he kissed my cheek. "I'm trying to gain more time."

    I cupped one side of his face and kissed his forehead, "I appreciate your efforts,"

    I was in such a daze; the nightglares were happening more recently and they were scarier every time. Although, I'd have to admit that the one before my last one was the scariest so far; the nightglare with the mirrors. It was nearly impossible for me to stare in a mirror anymore; I always assumed there was a pair of glowing red eyes behind the reflective glass. Now I'd never be able to look at another bookcase again.

    "Nana?" Ai whispered.

    I glanced behind Kai and choked on a lump in my throat at the sight of Ai; I must have frightened her so much, "Ai,"

    Ai dashed into the room and jumped onto the bed in the empty spot next to me with tears in her eyes; Kira calmly followed shortly after Ai entered. As soon as Kai released his grip on me, Ai nearly suffocated me with her tiny arms around my neck. She sobbed only a little bit but she soon enough pulled away from me.

    "Nana, what happened?!" she cried. "Why did you wake up screaming?"

    "It was just a nightmare," I mumbled and took her infinitesimal hand in mine and looked over at Kai. "Have you spoken with Matsuda and Orihime?"

    "About Ai?" he asked and then nodded. "Yes."

    "Do you think...we should send her there today?"

    "What?" Ai's eyes widened. "What are you talking about, Nana?"

    I sat myself up and leaned against the headboard while Kai sat up with me, wrapping one arm around my waist, "We feel it'll be safer to stay at Matsuda and Orihime's house for a little bit,"

    "Who are Matsuda and Orihime?" she almost started panicking. "Your parents?"

    I shook my head, "No, they're Angels. You'll be so much safer with them than with us."

    Ai shook her head and curled up a little, "No, Nana, I can't leave you,"

    "Sweetie, it's not safe for you here," I bit my lip. "I'm not saying we can't protect you, but Angels are so much safer to be around. They're pretty much the reason I'm not dead yet."

    There was a long pause before I tried to take a deep breath and was cut short by the pungent sting in my chest; the bullet wound was nowhere near healed yet. I lifted up my shirt and saw specks of blood on the bandage; the wound opened up again past the stitches. I winced and rolled my shirt back down.

    "Do you need more stitches?" Kai asked me.

    My face turned red, "I-I can do it myself...?"

    Kai hopped off of the bed, "Kira, go ahead and start packing Ai's clothes. She'll be staying with Matsuda and Orihime for a little while."

    Ai instantly buried her face in my chest--probably forgetting about the wound--and caused me to wince again, "Nana, no!"

    "Ai, just give me a moment, please," I asked her, pulling her back. "You're not leaving right this minute. Kira, be sure Ai gets some more blood, please."

    Kai assisted me off of the bed and drug me into the bathroom. He hauled out a needle and some string and some cleaning supplies and, before anything else, Kai held his hands up in front of him and inched himself a little closer, "Am I allowed to take your shirt off on behalf of your well-being?"

    I blushed and then beamed as soon as I heard Kira's roaring laughter from the bedroom. I hesitantly raised my arms up and Kai gracefully gripped the hem of my shirt and lifted my shirt over my head, "I'd rather be knocked unconscious again," I mumbled.

    Kai rolled his eyes, "I went to medical school, Arisa,"

    "Yeah, nice excuse to get a look at my boobs," I hissed. "Make it quick."

    He sat me down and hovered his hands in front of my bra, "Hold your bra in place," and as soon as I did, he unhooked it from the front and peeled the bandage off of my chest.

    My face was nearly mahogany while Kai prepared the needle and thread and kneeled down in front of me. He rubbed some numbing jell around the circumference of the bullet wound and he started stitching. I winced and then blushed more when Kai inched nearer to the wound to get a better sight at what he was doing. I trusted Kai and his medical skills but I was still incredibly embarrassed.

    As soon as he finished stitching the wound, he bit into his wrist, gathered blood in his mouth, and started spreading it over the sealed wound. I gasped and tried to pull back, "Kai, I think you've done a good enough job!" I freaked out. "Y-you can stop now!"

    Kai pulled back and wiped the blood off of my chest and pressed fresh bandages against the wound, "I'm only trying to help," he chuckled; he wasn't blushing at all!!

    I hooked my bra back together and threw my shirt on while kicking Kai, ordering him to leave the bathroom. After a few minutes of pulling myself back together again, I exited the bathroom into the bedroom and met up with a depressed Ai. She was staring at me with pleading eyes; she didn't want to leave Kai and me.

    My heart sank low with the thought of having to send her away but it wasn't like it was the last time we'd ever see her. Knowing me, we'd go see her everyday. It was about time Kira went back anyways. Of course, everybody knew what crap he would say about Kai and I once he would be out of earshot.

    "Should we head out?" I suggested, handing Kai Ai's bag full of her clothes. "I know it's sudden, but it's best."

    Ai gripped my pants and looked down while nodding, "Okay, Nana..."

    ~*~*~*~*~*~

    "Oh, she's adorable!" Orihime exclaimed after feeling around Ai's complexion and twirling her bouncy hair around her slender finger.

    "So she's Hisao's daughter?" Matsuda managed to ask us while Orihime was distracting Ai.

    Kai paused for a moment and nodded, "Yes, but she's harmless,"

    "How long do you want her here?"

    "Until we can manage to get rid of Mayura and Hitoshi--"

    "Driven away," I intervened; I didn't want Kai to suggest killing them. I couldn't even understand why I didn't want Mayura and Hitoshi dead.

    Matsuda nodded and smiled, "We can keep her safe; we guarantee it."

    I glanced behind Matsuda and Orihime was already having a blast with Ai. It probably made her so happy that she was housing a child around the age her daughter was. I was surprised it didn't make her depressed; maybe it did inside?

    "Would you two mind stepping into the study room to talk a little more privately?" Matsuda suggested, gesturing to the study.

    I ceased my breathing and clung onto Kai's arm, thinking back to my nightglare and all of those books; being murdered in a library when nobody helped, "N-no, we'll be leaving," I started pulling Kai towards the front door. "Sorry; we'll drop by tomorrow."

    Before anybody else was able to bid us farewell, I had already drug Kai out of the house and to his car. As soon as we climbed into the car, I buried my face in my hands and curled up. Kai must have sensed something wrong as soon as I clung to his arm inside of the house because he immediately cupped my face when we got into the car, forcing me to glance into his eyes full of concern.

    "Arisa, what's wrong?" he searched my eyes. "What happened?"

    I shook my head and cupped his delicate hands that were cupping my face, "It-it's nothing,"

    "It has to be something," he whispered. "Is it your nightglare?"

    I nodded and closed my eyes, "Yes; it took place in a library. That's all I'm saying."

    He closed his eyes and kissed my forehead, "I understand,"

    "I'm so tired," I sighed. "It'll be hard for me to sleep again for a few days." Just like it was for every other nightglare I ever had.

    "I'm here, Arisa, I'll be with you," he reassured. "I won't allow you to be hurt."

    "But you can't prevent those nightglares,"

    He pressed his forehead against mine, sighed deeply, and stroked my cheekbones delicately with his thumbs, "If only I could,"

    I quickly decided to change the subject, "I'm going to miss Ai; will she be safe?"

    He nodded and smiled halfheartedly, "I guarantee,"

    "I hope Orihime will have fun with her," I smiled. "She seems to like her already."

    "She reminds her of Mitsukai,"

    I laughed lightly at myself, "I worry so much; I'm like an older sister or a mother."

    Kai pulled back a couple of inches while still smiling faintly and he stared at me thoughtfully, "Don't take it the wrong way, but you'd make a great mother,"

    My heart actually sunk a little at hearing that. Kai was afraid of me ever having kids, we'd probably never seriously consider it anyways, and, if I were to survive the contract, I'd be much too weak. Kai and mine's future was bleak; we wouldn't be able to be together forever--not that we wanted to become immortal. It was either the contract would finish me off or I'd die hundreds of years before he would. Either goddamn way, kids were out of the subject. The only sure way I'd survive was for me to become a Vampire and nobody wanted that to happen to me. My life was unfair in a few occasions but so long as I got to spend the rest of it with Kai, I was okay with obeying everything he commanded. I'd do anything for him, everything for him, even if that meant excluding a family in our future or a long-lived life together.