The smoke in the room was like a blanket consuming everything. Old wrappers and empty bottles littered the floor and there was a stench of alcohol underneath all of the tobacco flavors.
I lifted my head from her neck and I could see the fact that I never loved her in her eyes. I started to speak she stopped me. She already knew what I was going to say. She had already seen the same image reflected in mine.
True, I had the same emotions as those in love, but they were like empty shells. I never was in love with her. I never loved her.
“I want to love you”
“I wish everything was perfect again”
All of this running through my mind but all I could bring myself to do was to kiss her forehead. She knew how I felt because she had felt the same long ago. I was too foolish to realize it. I was too blind.
I wasn’t sorry.
I didn’t want to love her.
Nothing was ever perfect.
I was selfish, and I am not guilty.
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