• How can one person make you want to build your whole world around them?
    I don’t understand how a girl can make me want to give up everything for her, even when she has ******** me over so badly that I never want to leave my house.
    Her scent, her face, her words . . . they swirl around in my mind like a smoky cloud of nicotine. She is my nicotine, she a drug that I need constantly. I feel like my whole body is falling apart, like if I make the wrong move it’ll be over for me, I need her embrace to keep me together.
    I need her.
    I chug the last of the beer in the bottle that I had been holding and threw it into the pile next to the recycle bin. I slip into my shoes that were kicked off into a corner, and slide into a gray jacket, Im not sure if its clean or not, I don’t care honestly. I just need out, I need a release.
    I hop out into the cold; the feeling of frozen needles stabbing at my face is all I can feel. It’s a numbing feeling, I find comfort in it. I shake my head of all thoughts as I speed walk my way down the dark street with my hands shoved into my jean pockets. I don’t want to think, I don’t want to feel, I don’t to think, but yet things, like memories and hate flood through my mind.
    People used to tell me I was obsessed, but they are wrong, I’m in love with her, she just doesn’t see it yet, I need her to see it. Things like restraining orders when thrown out at me, but I know she doesn’t want that, its her stupid friends who hate me, they don’t understand that she loves me too.
    I turn the corner and end up in a cul-de-sac. I stare at the house at the head of the dead end. It makes me want to cry, so many beautiful memories where made there. I walk over into the front yard to get closer to this warm feeling I had in my chest. I run my fingers along the wall of the house until I get to the first window.
    The lights are on, she’s home.
    I walk around the side of the house to the chain link fence that separates me from the backyard. I clumsily hop over it. I land almost on my a** but get up easily and make my way to the back of the house. The back door is always unlocked for her friend who doesn’t come home till 4:00 a.m., its only 3:30. I have some time.
    I open the metal screen door and slid in. My whole body is hit with the familiar scent of her. My heart feels as if someone took it and ringed in out. My lips quiver as a tear rolls down my cheek. I hobble over to the many photos of her and her family that as hung up all around the living room, I touch everything. I can’t help it. I try not give into all the sobs that are stuck in my throat.
    I wander to the stairs, a jacket and shoes lay on the stairs. I pick up the jacket and press it to my face, its hers, it smells like her, lavender. I drop the jacket and head farther up the stairs, finding a blouse and a t-shirt. That’s when I look back down to the shoes and notice the mens shoes tossed to the side of the high heels.
    My eye brows furrow as I try to think of the explanation to this. Her friend that comes home at 4:00 is a girl, not a guy. I continue up the stairs to find a skirt and pants, along with a crooked picture on the wall.
    My stomach drops.
    I walk gingerly up the last few steps and find a thong strewn out along the carpet, which I graciously stuff into my pocket, next to something cold and hard.
    My mind goes clear now, I can think.
    I remember why I wanted to come here, I remember with every bump against the wall and every moan I hear. I stuff my hand into my pocket and take hold of the metal object and lock my finger around the trigger as I pull it out. I lean up against the white bedroom door and let my head fall back, tears streaming down my face.
    I throw open the door and lay my eyes on the moving blankets as I throw of the lights.
    The man falls off of her and looks at my with fear and confusion. He looks at me with eyes that look just like my own, a similar nose and the same hair but more clean and trimmed.
    Her words are like daggers through my heart and ears.
    “What the ******** are you doing here?”
    I hold up the gun in front of me with as a response. I hold it at him.
    “Eric?! What the hell? Im your ******** brother.” He chokes out.
    I shake my head and pull the trigger.
    I drop to my knees and let the sobs I had been holding in fall out.
    I raise to my feet again and look at her face. She isn’t screaming or horrified. She is smiling.
    She stand up, undressed, her body still the way I remember it. She wraps her arms around my neck and presses her perfect lips to mine. I hold her by her naked waist.
    I feel something cold press against the back of my head. I go to turn around but all I hear is a bang before the pain. The floor that was once 6 feet away is now under my face and everything is red. I hear two voices but I cant make out who’s they are.
    All I can see before the blackness is the big numbers on the clock that say “4:23 a.m.”