- Luna slowly opened her eyes. The sun was shining very bright and hot for a winter day. The snow which he had been practically buried in was almost all gone. She tried to stretch but her body was frozen solid. She tried to stretch out her foreleg. It felt very numb, then became pinched and prickly feeling, then she watched in amazement as the ice that was on her leg stattered. Her leg felt wobbly and weak, but she could move it! Luna stretched out her entire body in this way. Soon she was done stretching out. She collapsed on the ground. She was starving and thirsty. She took a small bite of snow and let it melt in her mouth. She slowly got up. Luna took a deep breath. Then thoughts and questions suddenly poured into her head. Where was she? How long had she been there? Why was she here? Was she dead? Was this a dream? Where was her pack? Her mo- Tears streaked down Luna's muzzle. Memories flooded her mind. Her mother, her dear, sweet mother, had betrayed her. Her pack had betrayed her. Left her to die in the snow! The tiniest growl eminated from her throat. I will fine them! I will make sure they know that they can't just do that to me! I will set my mother straight. And I will leave with pride. These thoughts bubbled in her mind and her stomach. Her stomach? Then Luna remembered she was starving. She stretched one more time and set out on her journey.
- by Sweet_Sunlight_Fox |
- Fiction
- | Submitted on 07/03/2012 |
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- Title: Luna's Journey Chapter 2
- Artist: Sweet_Sunlight_Fox
- Description: Luna, a wolf pup, who was abandoned as a pup to freeze in the snow, wakes up a few days later and begins her journey. Yes I know the first chapter was very short but all the other chapters will be much longer.
- Date: 07/03/2012
- Tags: lunas journey chapter
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Comments (3 Comments)
- Sweet_Sunlight_Fox - 07/11/2012
- I can't believe how many mistakes I made..
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- Sweet_Sunlight_Fox - 07/11/2012
- Thank you so much for all this advice! It's very helpful! Thank you.
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- Eretico - 07/10/2012
- The writing looks kinda stilted right now;there are a lot of run-on sentences that could be combined to form smoother,more expressive sentences.There are one or two spelling/grammar problems in it as well,though those should be easy to fix.Also,since it is from Luna's point of view,you might want to try to make her thoughts and actions a bit more emotional,so it actually sound like Luna is saying them and not some narrator just describing what he sees.Otherwise,it sounds kinda bland and hurried.
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