• I sat there exhausted. I was covered in sweat and still in much pain in my lower region. I was alone, the doctor left. My family was uninvited as well as the father. I didn't move. The pain I just went through. Was all...for nothing...I had absolutely nothing to show for the hours I had went through labor. I didn't have a baby girl who would have played princess. I didn't have one person who would have thought of me as a here. No I didn't even have my family in the room when it happened. I did not have a little girl who would grow up to look for comfort in me when she had breakups or accidents or being was bullied.
    It was like it didn't happen. I had nothing to show. I didn't have movie stubs from the first date with the father. I had nothing with sentimental value. I didn't have a mother by my side who would rub my back and tell me it was okay. I didn't have a father who would hunt down the sorry sod who had fertilized me. I didn't have brothers or sisters to tell me that they had 'told me so' or that they had hoped it would have worked out. Hell I didn't have the damn doctor in the room to tell me that miscarriages happened often.
    No I.I was truly alone. My time of need there was nobody there...but I guess that was my fault.
    After I collected my thoughts I did what any reasonable person who birthed a dead carcass would have done. I cried. I grabbed my pillow from behind my head and hugged it to my chest, first it was slow. My lip trembled and tears filled my eyes, the perspire on my brow and arms making the already cold dead air even more chilly. Then sharp scratchy noises escaped my mouth. I sobbed like I had never sobbed before. I screamed, and whined and bitched and moaned. Nothing helped. I didn't feel any better.
    There was this pitch black void that had me flailing around trying to grab onto a ledge or even a sharp rock, but there was nothing. and the hole got deeper and bigger as I fell.
    Finally I hit rock bottom, and I awoke. I was still in the hospital bed, and it had grown light outside. The pain in between my legs was numb and I could hardly feel anything. Even as I stood I felt nothing, all I could really feel was a continuous emotional stab in the back.
    I checked myself out of the hospital, deciding to maybe take a walk.
    When I walked outside I didn't feel like I was breathing fresh air, as I usually did. I felt like it was stuffy, like New York in the summer time. I hadn't brushed my hair, but at least I had my clothes back on. There was 20 bucks in my pocket, that was all I had at all. Nothing in the bank or anything. I walked into the nearest store and bought a box cutter and a pack of cigarettes. I went to my studio apartment, and flinched at the site of baby clothes. and the crib.
    I smoked my cigarettes until I felt sick. I smoked more though, till the whole pack was gone, and the studio was clouded with smoke. I pulled out the box cutter, taking it apart till I was just left with the razor, I slid it over my wrist a few times, feeling nothing at all. I went deeper, and pressed harder. I cried and screamed and cut, I had those small shorts that are only meant for sleeping in. I cut my thighs like I had my wrists, deeper and deeper while my vision got foggier and foggier.

    ******** ******** ******** ******** ******** ******** ******** ******** ********* *********

    I blinked my eyes open, my vision blurred probably from slimy eye boogers. Wait... "....Am I in heaven or hell?" I groaned out loud, but nobody had answered me. I sat up looking around. A hospital? "Ok so I guess I'm in hell..." I grumbled, a curtain blocking my vision from going any further than the bed. I stood up, feeling a burn in my legs and arms, I looked down and saw that my legs were stitched up and my shorts were stained red, my white tank-top had turned a yellow-grey, most likely from the smoke. My arms were stitched as well and I felt breathless. That wasn't the most I had smoked in one day, but it was a long time ago when I had smoked as much and more.
    I walked into the hallway and immediately caught the attention of three people. somebody who looked like the doctor, the other being the person behind the desk and the last person was in the lobby looking like a nervous ******** who was about to have a...b...baby. I walked over and sat next to the nervous little s**t and leaned over in a joking manor. "I would just get an abortion now while you can..." It wasn't a good joke, but it wasn't supposed to be in couple of ways. She shook her head.
    "I-I'm here for you..." she mumbled quietly, and I started realizing familiarities about her. I had seen her walk down the hall at the studio place a few times, sometimes she would stop and say hi to me, and normally I would see her with a tin of strawberries. I laughed a little.
    "But I don't know you..." She shook her head.
    "I know, but were neighbors and it really scared me when I saw smoke coming out from under your door and you wouldn't answer so I figured something was on fire and I called the fire department and they went in then carried you out on a gurney and uh...they let me ride with you here but they wouldn't let me go into the room with you an...." she rambled about what had happened while I were passed out, she sounded terrified. I smiled for a slight second and nodded.
    "Do you care about all of your neighbors this much?" I asked her in a soft voice, not believing that people like her still existed. She paused and nodded.
    "U-uh yeah..." she mumbled obviously lying. I smiled softly and stared at her for a few seconds.
    "what's your name miss?" I asked her and she grinned.
    "Oh I'm Onyx, and I already know that your Opal." She sounded slightly exited about the topic jump.
    "Would you like to come over to my house for tea?" I asked her sweetly and she frowned.
    "I'm not sure how long you will have to be here..." The look on her face was so sad and I nodded. "I'll just sign myself out."
    I walked over to the front desk and tried to talk about signing myself out. They told me that I would have to stay for a while rather than leaving immediately. Just a couple of days. I repeated the news to Onyx, who seemed devastated.



    I may continue, but I'm kind of tired now.