January 21, 2006:
My dad is a killer. He is gonna beat me to death, but, I can't tell anybody. I can't tell my mom, she'd think I was lying. She hates him almost as much as I do. But she won't admit it. I can see it in her eyes. She wants him to die a most painful death indeed.
But why does she not believe me? She says she loves him. She loves a man who would hurt his daughter! She does not see it, or hear it. She can't feel the agonizing pain I go through everyday when she's not around. He is gonna kill me. I can feel it in my bones, when he throws me to the ground, when he slams my face into the walls.
She can see the bruises and scars. But why does she not help me?!?!?! I can't take it anymore. My teachers and friends are worried. They ask me what happened. I lie. Tell them i'm just really clumsy. I can tell they don't believe me.
I can't take much more of this. I've got to escape this brutal life of mine.
February 1, 2006:
I've got this all figured out. I'm not gonna be able to take much more of the abuse. He hates me. He can't stand me. But he tells mama he loves me. WHY? Why can't he just kill me already?! I begged him to kill me today. He says he will not. He loves me.
He tells me today, "Kam, I love you baby girl. I would never hurt you!" "But yet you stand here and kick me down the hall ways." I say to him. And he kicks me in my chest. I can't breathe. He walks away and laughs. He calls me the stupid girl.
February 3, 2006:
Mama slapped me today. She tells me I am a liar. She tells me that my daddy loves me, and that he would never hurt me. She tells me that I make the hurt. She tells me that I hurt myself and blame it on daddy. She says she will give me away if I hurt daddy's feeling anymore.
I cried. She tells me I am stupid for crying. And she tells me I am not allowed out of my room anymore tonight. So, that means no supper tonight. I layed down on my bed and cried myself to sleep. I'm a 15 year old girl, and I don't wanna exist anymore. I want to die now.
I snuck into Mama's bathroom today. I stole some of her depression medicine. It's in my top drawer. I hope I die before she finds out.
February 4, 2006:
I Just took Mama's pills. I wrote her a letter.
I know you hate me,
I know how you always say I am a Liar.
I love you Mama.
I hope you will miss me Mama.
And tell daddy, he can't hurt me anymore.
Love, Kam. <3
I will leave on the desk for her to see when I am gone. I will go now. I am never gonna go through this pain again.
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