• She had been insecure about her looks for most of her life. Blame the media’s standard of ultimate beauty if you like, she knew that she could never be that skinny, or beautiful for that matter… Things just got out of hand after having many people harass her to the point where she refused to be seen in public. As immature as that sounded, it was what she dealt with in the area that she had been living for the past decade, escalading as of the past year. Those whom she thought were her friends, ended up betraying her trust, constantly playing mind games. She hid behind her makeup and fake smile. Yet all she really wanted was someone to see past all of that, to accept her for who she truly was. Inside resided fear, pain and a heart that had been broken and ignored for many years. She didn’t think she was good at relationships, considering the boyfriends she did have ended up cheating on her, leading her on, using her or constantly doing things behind her back… while she remained hopelessly loyal. If one person would be able to show her what true love was, that would be enough to make every memory of the years of suffering disappear…
    She looked up from her laptop, glancing around the room, hoping for some inspiration of what she would be writing about. So many drawings hung from her wall, drawings that would never be sold or seen. Such a waste of talent.. art is supposed to be admired, right? She shook her head at that thought, she didn’t believe that she was good enough. After all, she did switch her major from art because of that very reason, to psychology- then again to animal vet science because she would rather help animals, not people. Suddenly, she remembered that she did have a book, one that could potentially spark some sort of idea to write about. She opened the bottom drawer of her desk and took out a small notebook- black and purple stripes, worn with the spine barely holding onto the pages within. This was no ordinary notebook… it was filled with poems that she had written back in her angsty high school years. Probably one of the darkest times of her life. As much as she didn’t want to remember that time in her life, she had to accept that it happened.
    Glancing through its pages, reading through the multitude of words that brought back all of those haunting memories that she swore she wouldn’t tell anyone, the ones she tried to make herself forget. Her heart began pounding faster, and faster until it was the only noise she could hear. In a rushed panic, she slapped the book shut.
    “I can’t…believe I wrote these. I know it’s been a few years but still…"
    She quickly put the notebook back in its dark lair then buried her face in her hands. She knew that she was no longer that person anymore. Life for her was much happier now, keeping to herself, being independent, having a decent job and waiting for college to start back up again, even though summer break had just began. Things were perfect for the most part, the only thing that would make it complete, would be committing to someone. She wasn’t much for joining into popular trends, but when everyone you know seems to be getting engaged, married, having kids and being happily taken… you start to feel sort of lonely, with the fear of becoming a cat lady in the back of your mind.
    Her phone buzzed, startling her. Another notification from facebook- another person rejoicing about being pregnant.
    “ugh.. don’t drink the water!” she groaned as she slumped back in her chair and opened up her web browser. She went on memebase, searching for a humerous distraction. While scrolling through the internet jokes and memes she saw a couple ads for dating sites. “Might as well…”
    She did some research on certain site reviews, the most promising was a site called pof. She didn’t think she would resort to a dating site when it came to finding a special someone, but since there was too many losers in her area, what did she have to lose? She created a profile and began browsing.
    Again, her phone buzzed. A message, from her ex: “I’m outside. We need to talk.”
    She walked outside and there he was, sitting on her dad’s boat, smoking a hookah. Funny how he claimed to be broke, yet could somehow afford many different flavors and well and different hoses and hookah paraphernalia. He was supposed to just fix the boat and leave over a month ago.. why he’s dragging out his stay, no idea… probably just to rub his partying lifestyle in ones face.. like he hasn’t already.. there was so much she knew, so much dirt she had on him.. yet she held her tongue..
    “what do you want Carl…”
    “just to talk” he took a long drag of his hookah
    “don’t you have something better do do? Like hanging out with your club whores?”
    “Funny. No. I’m leaving in a week.” He said, blew the smoke out into a large, white cloud.
    “You’ve been saying that for over a month now...”
    “yeah but this time I mean it. Gonna live the free life, do whatever I want with whoever I want. I wanna hang out with you on my last day in maine.”
    “Like you haven’t been doing that already? I’m not stupid. You’ve been doing stuff behind my back ever since you started working at that club long before we ever broke up. People talk. Spare me the heart ache, I’d rather not hang out with you-especially after what happened last time.”
    “so you saw me getting friendly with another girl at the club, big deal.”
    She sighed heavily “you said you wanted to hang out with me, then you blew me off while your friends literally harassed me, calling me the fat neon girl on EDM night. Seeing you swap saliva with another girl was when I decided to walk home- 6 miles without shoes at 1AM..”
    “Well, you have let yourself go.”
    “….”
    “I see you’re on that dating site Plenty of Fish- no one’s gonna want to be with you yknow. Saw your pic on the MeetMe section and instantly clicked NO.”
    “You told me to get over you and move on. This is me doing so. Just get the damn boat done, and leave.”
    She ran back inside her house, slamming the door. Tears began filling her eyes as she leaned against the door, locking it behind her. Curling up in a ball, burying her face in her hands one again she started crying.
    “No…just stop…he’s not worth it…he’s been treating you like this for months now…stop..” she whispered to herself as she wiped the tears from her eyes.
    She walked up the stairs back into her room and plopped down at her desk. She wiggled the mouse, awakening her laptop and logging into pof.
    “now to look for an upgrade..” She opened up the MeetMe section, scanning through many, many pictures.
    “no..no…no..no..hell no.. no.. yyuuuuhhhhno..no..no. definitely not… no.. no… god no.. wha-hello.”
    One picture. One out of many many pictures caught her eye. She clicked on the profile and read it thoroughly. She smiled to herself..
    “Dairy farmer, eh?”