Savior

• Artist: StarHoper
• Description: A small poem I thought of today hope you like
  
  I dedicate this poem to my very best of friends:
  
  Serena Aurrora, Red Comet90, Twilight Moon777
• Date: 07/28/2008
• Tags:

Will You be my savior
Catch me when I fall

When I'm wrong scold me
When I'm hurt hold me

If you care at all

I'm falling
Please reach out your hand

We speak a different language
Only we can understand

I wish it was only us in this universe
Us in this galaxy

If you truly are my savior.....
Just come and rescue Me

Comments

[mexicantacos2003]

actually, the part about this being a short poem is a plus for me.
you see, people sometimes think that without enough words
a poem is not really all that good.
but you did a good job.
being a freestayler myself, i think you did an exellent job
of rhyming without sounding cliched or boring or violent.
the flow is quite natural and it was like breathing when reading.
you did not disappoint.


5

[Hisagi Kyoko]

The last stanza seemed a bit lost amid the rest in terms of word flow, but overall it was very well-written. The main suggestion I would give is to possibly add length to the stanzas. It sounds great, but when reading it can sometimes take away from the poem if there are only one or two lines per stanza. However, the word choice was great, and I love the free rhyme scheme and emotional imagery throughout. Very touching.