Darkness or Death?

• Artist: ICanHazPanda
• Description: Not very good I must agree. Writing the first line it was going to be about love. Then my thoughts got all twisted and this is how it turned out.
• Date: 02/24/2010
• Tags: darkness death

"You were always mine"
He whispers in my ear
Lie . But I force myself to believe.
I musn't show fear.

He's not exactly human.
Though his appearence shows elsewise
I am not fooled
I see through his disguise.

He tugs on my hand
Pulls me to this dark place
Where shadows lurck amoung us
I fasten my pace

A forgotten city maybe?
A place fallen by war?
The place is of ruins
And empty to the core.

"We will build an empire "
"And you as my dark queen"
"We'll rise above all others "
His thoughts are so obscene.

" I will never admit to you "
I say with pride
Before he can reply I screech.
"I'll never go to the dark side "

...

Though some may not agree
Death was much better
As he took away my life
I felt myself smile.

Comments

[Serveris]

In the third stanza, I would have changed it from fasten to hasten. That is pretty much all I really have to critique about your work. All in all, a stand up job.

[- E o - The Philosopher]

Your first stanza is the best of the whole poem. It gets a five for existing XD I really like the thought process you depicted in it. It sounds very believable.