darkness

• Artist: waterboyblue
• Description: my poem
• Date: 09/05/2008
• Tags: darkness

shadows lurk the vilent streets
mosters hide under my feet
at any momment darkness comes
it wont end soon it wont be fun

the shadws crall on hands and knees
when monster scream the cry and weez
the children yell oh my oh geez
the darkness comes its not at ease

babies scream and children cry
kiddins fear there pets will die
monster laugh volume on high
dakness comes dont even try

hero save the world today
god of light sends them away
children yell for joy oh yay
we hate the darkness cause its gay

Comments

[Farrelei]

1. Please learn to spell and use correct grammar.
2. The last line forced me to give you a one ^-^*~

[Moriko_Yasu]

i liked it until the last line. you were probably trying to rhyme but i think the popular use of the word gay is stupid. gay just means happy.

[Master Alaric Voranth]

It was great untill the last paragraph. It killed the poem. 2/5 if you're lucky.

[TheXGreat XBelow]

Very nice.

[Frey Yue]

This is kind of silly. It starts very seriously and then goes into a lighthearted mode that confuses me a bit. You stick with a good general theme and rhyme, but try to keep your tone the same throughout unless it has a dramatic effect. 3/5