War Scars.

• Artist: Phoenix OrDinni
• Description: Draft one.
  
  Don't ask me.
• Date: 10/02/2008
• Tags:

Your face is painted upon the walls like a Monarchist's mural.
Conquest flares in your eyes like invisible rage.
Your will rains upon them like acid,
Bringing the dark of their backs to boil.

Whips crack at their heels as nipping sharks.
Spines like bullets pierce the rough of their hands.
The lips of your guards are sewn with red tape.
They carry your stench of victory.

Comments

[Summer Fallwinterspring]

Hmm . . . what's the intent? I mean, I get it- I think. I get a "slavery," "POW" feel from this. "To show to unhappiness of war?"

"Invisible rage" isn't that hot of a line, because you saw it flare in their eyes, thus it isn't invisible. Also, "rains upon them" has a weird feel, perhaps reword that. Also, I'd cut out the 2nd person feel of the last two lines.

[x-Ginko-x]

unn is that from war or torture? and does it relate to u?4/5

[DeyDey233]

wow