To Hear or not to Hear

• Artist: tomsdodges
• Description: Just before i fell under the world I couldn't hear, silence before disappearance.
• Date: 11/13/2008
• Tags: hear hear

Such a headache pounding in my head
where should i turn, this road seems far
uncertain whether I'm alive or dead
I remember peeling myself from the hot tar
I know there's noise, but I can't hear

Is this near the end for me
Things falling, things bouncing and crashing
it's all my eyes can see
I know there is mysterious items bashing and smashing
but i can't seem to hear

My knees have grew weaker, hardly able to stand
struggling to move, and I tried, help i cried
only to realize I'm standing in quick sand
My feet felt as if they wear tied
I still could not hear

I don't think anyone could hear
So I tried to pry myself out
I reached both far and near
as i went under, I shout
The world can no longer hear

Comments

[tksunshine93]

this is good
very sad

[SolsticeXII]

oh! hi! omg this is really good! but you tend to switch from past-tense to present-tense, it doesn't matter that much, but it sort of stands out to me.
And one little suggestion: "I know there is 'stuff' bashing and smashing
I suggest that you change it to "I know there are things bashing and smashing"(or womething like that) It's just because "stuff" is not really a word that is used too often in poetry and it sort of ruins the flow of words.