Sleep

• Artist: Panic Pirate
• Description: No, I'm not being serious....
  Behatzlacha-S, pull your mop-like hair out at this
• Date: 04/21/2009
• Tags: sleep death love

The midnight hours are long dead
Your jaded wings weigh you down
Stick a Band-Aid on your broken heart
You hide your pain so well
Lips dance silently to the melody
Residing within your head
Skip this song, and the next one;
Every voice you hear is his

White-knuckled wallowing in an all too ephemeral tranquillity
The electricity in your veins is dying; you’re trying to hold on in vain
The mirror sees broken doll, devoured by the demons she couldn’t chase away
Lying in a bed of shattered memories; blood seeps obliviously out of her skin

He didn’t breathe his last knowing that you would die inside
Stars fade away, disillusioned, as the isolation blurs into focus
Your last sliver of sanctity is slipping well out of reach
You’ve given up; you’ve given in; you cry yourself to sleep

Comments

[Behatzlacha-S]

You balance it... in a complicated fashion.
Still, I enjoy looking at the little links.

Oh, and my Mop has gone. I now have my bed-head from a few years ago.

[Sunafire]

In my opinion, theres nothing wrong with purple prose.
A writer, Angela carter does what we see in this poem; long complex sentances and it really works for her.
So good job smile

[Miekka Kuoleman]

the rhythm is off. some of the words you used, use smaller words

[Panic Pirate]

Mmhm, that's a fair comment Mecha Master
Thanks for actually commenting instead of just rating and moving on! ^_^
I fully admit this is no way my best work by a mile but I tried to make is as awkward as possible. But I agree, it's too emo for my liking

[Mecha-Master_Gear]

It's good, but some of the laguage sounds kind of forced, y'know?

[Panic Pirate]

Please COMMENT!
Any criticism at all is welcome and hihgly appreciated