• Dear Mother

    I had a dream last night
    Will you bother to hear it?

    I had a dream that you held me
    I had a dream that you loved me
    I had a dream that you cared
    I had a dream that you wished the best for me
    I had a dream that that you were around
    Like every mother should be

    I had a dream in which you had not forgotten to pick me up
    I had a dream that you did come to my birthday parties
    I had a dream that you had fed me all those nights
    I had a dream where you did put me to bed instead of going out to drink

    I had a dream in which
    You wanted me
    Needed me
    and even, dare I say it?
    Cherished me?

    I had a dream that you really didn’t mean it when you said you hated me
    When you said I was nothing to you
    When you said I was in the way
    When you said I was a mistake
    I had a dream that you really did mean it when you said: “Yeah sure, I like this kid.”

    I had a dream that you would have taken me to elementary school
    Instead of making me take the public bus
    I had a dream that you would have gone with me to the grocery store
    Instead of giving me the money to go alone
    I had a dream that you would have encourage me to reach for my dreams
    Instead of laughing at me if you even heard what I said
    I had a dream that you would have gone to the park with me
    Instead of letting me sit alone in the corner while you worked
    I had a dream you would have cared enough to make sure I came home at nigh
    Instead of letting me be gone for many nights at a time
    I had a dream that you went out to find me when I ran away
    Instead of letting the police bring me home
    I had a dream that you talk to me
    Instead of being silent

    I had a dream that you would tell me I’m a good person
    I had a dream that you would tell me what I’m worth
    I had a dream that you would tell me what was right from wrong

    I had a dream that you did stopped me from me dropping my grades
    I had a dream that you told me not to go to that party
    I had a dream in which you told me not to drink
    I had a dream that you would have kept me from taking those pills
    I had a dream where you told me not to take that blade to my skin
    I had a dream that you actually came to the hospital to get me
    And to tell me that “this isn’t how a twelve year old should act.”

    Even after all that
    I had a dream that you had taken me into your arms
    Rocked me as I cried those tears I’ve held for so long
    Let me wail the woes I have kept quiet
    And finally show you how much pain I was really in

    I had a dream that you were the one to help me
    As I cleaned myself up
    As I redefined myself
    As I built myself up again
    That you were the one to come and
    Congratulated me
    Hugged me when you saw me
    Tell me how proud you were
    Brag about how far I’ve come
    when I came home from the institute after all those years.

    Now I have told you my dream
    And now I will put this letter at your desk
    Where you’re always working
    But I know you will see the imperfect handwriting
    And you will crumple it up and throw it aside
    And you will never get the itch
    or even the curiosity
    To take it out, open it up, and read it

    Though I know this, I still wrote it
    Hoping that you will finally see the little girl in the corner
    Even if it is too late
    Maybe you will finally dig this out from under your couch
    When you realize

    I’m not there