• I don't remember exactly when it happened
    When I became life
    When I received my soul
    But now it's in me
    all the time
    hurting me
    making me weak and wide-eyed
    everything is too new
    too much color
    too much aware
    and everyone is watching me
    my mother, my father, my boyfriend, you
    and Him
    He is up there too
    There is so much talking
    and screaming
    and everything is bright and blinding
    and everyone is telling me
    to go straight to hell

    I have lived most of my life empty
    Not caring much for truths
    Not finding much of a meaning in anything
    I've adventured far into the night
    and farther still from the white tanned eyes of day
    I have been bruised and burned
    and broken and buried
    No breath
    No way out
    No time to wait
    unless Death be on my heels
    Then things changed
    and I was presented a gift
    a choice
    and I chose

    I have given the whole of myself
    all day
    everyday
    so I could purchase that special piece
    the spark
    that makes humans real
    the piece that makes one part of the whole
    that everyone said I needed
    to fit in
    to take my place in the world
    A soul
    because everybody has a soul
    or at least they say
    though some are hard and rusty
    from misuse and long years spent in storage
    Now, I've got this thing inside me
    this spark
    and all it does
    is burn

    I signed my life away for this chance
    made use of everyone of my resources
    I turned the world upside down
    and claimed my prize victoriously
    I should be happy
    shouldn't I?
    I've earned it
    earned life
    I should be bursting with joy
    and parading around town singing long praises
    and Alleluias
    So
    Why am I huddled up in my apartment?
    Red curtains pulled tight across the windows
    Why am I crying
    and shivering?
    I'm lying in bed in the fetal position
    Is this what its like to house a soul?