Phantom

• Artist: hello taylorrr
• Description: this poem is about a girl who finds her "dream" boy, but soon he turns on her. She begins to miss him and wonders why he would just turn on her out of nowhere. But she finally comes to the conclusion that he was just a "dream" boy and they could never be together.
• Date: 12/01/2009
• Tags: romance love

Like the far side of the moon,
You have become distant and cold.
You were once a shoulder to cry on,
And a hand to hold.

You made the world seem ever so clear.
Once you wiped the tears from my eyes,
And sang to me distant lullabies.
Still always, I wished for you to be here.

I lived for the day I look into your eyes.
The eyes that served as a guide,
As they led me through the dark to you.
Little did I know that lips like yours could lie.

One day, I woke up to find it all a dream.
You were just a fading phantom longing for love;
I was just a girl looking for attention.
And as it turns out, dear phantom, we could never even be.

Comments

[hello taylorrr]

thank you for the advice. much appreciated <3

[ii-SoggehCookie]

I like the idea behind it though, very lovely first draft! <3

[ii-SoggehCookie]

You need to rhyme all of the time or don't rhyme at all. It's a bit confusing. Also, you come out and state everything that is happening. Poetry is a form of expression, yes, but I find that the most mysterious ones are the best. Perhaps, make this a bit more discrete. I would also throw in some metaphors and/or similes.